SURVIVING THE MEMORIES SITE FOR SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT
A13-YEAR OLD'S STORY



The Voice Within by Christina Aguilera

***T***
Hello Fellow Survivors.

 I am only thirteen and I know the pain of being raped.  

Last year at my first party where there was drinking involved I got REALLY drunk.  I mean EXTREMELY drunk.  Underage drinking is bad, I know, but at the time I was just starting to get in with the "cool" crowd. 
Anyway, there was this guy named *SS.  He was my one of my best friend's friends and I had been crushing on him for a while.  We all started to drink and after a while he started to kiss me.  Then he started to kiss one of my friends.  My sober friend realized what was happening and made *SS go into a room alone. A few minutes later another one of my friends started to throw up so my sober friend went into the bathroom to "babysit" her.  *SS came out into the living room (where I was at) and called me into the room.  His friend D encouraged me to go but I had a bad feeling.  

He grabbed me by my arm and basicaly dragged me into the back room.  We layed on the bed and started to kiss at first I liked it.  And then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I did not answer.  He started to reach his hand down my pants.  I felt uncomfortable.  So I tried to get up but when I did I fell.  The door opened and my friend that was sick had came in there to lay down.  She told me to lay down with her so I did.  *SS layed down beside me.  He started to kiss my neck , now I felt really uncomfortable.  

My friend was now passed out.  *SS got on top of me and pinned my hands to the bed.  My friend who I thought was asleep got up and fell back to sleep on the floor.  *SS pinned my hands to the bed  (he was a football player and very strong).  We fought for a second and I continued to tell him to stop and to get off of me.  I managed to twist one of my hands free and I scrathed his face.  He slapped me with the back of his hand that was now free.  He pinned my hands back to the bed  but this time harder, way harder.  He slowly pulled off my pants and then his.  I started to cry.  The whole world was spinning.  He had sex with me and then calmly put on his clothes and walked out.  
I stayed there scared to move or do anything.  I finally put my clothes back on and walked out to the living room.  *SS was standing there laughing with that long bleeding scratch on his face.  "Your face is bleeding"  I stated and walked over to the sofa and fell asleep.

To this day I remember every waking moment and cringe.  I didn't tell anybody for a long time but I just read a book that encourages me to tell everyone my story.  
Don't be afraid, speak.

"“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew."
~Guillaume Apollinaire

 
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