Being raped feels like dying, a part of you I do believe does die. The part that is innocent, we may see anger and hate all around us all the time but to have it happened to us, really happened is so different than seeing it. It is traumatizing and hurtful as all hell, feels sort of like hell.

 But in time, through the dying feelings, through the finding out who you really are now, without the wishing and praying that you can go back, to own a time machine to just go back and change it all. Through the pain, the rain, I think we find ourselves slowly. I certainly have.

 I'm not just talking out of no knowledge here. I tried to kill myself at least 3 times, one time I almost succeeded. I had my stomach pumped, was in the hospital for almost 48 hrs, my mom crying and upset by my side. I made it through, I realize that I am alive, that my rapist may have changed who I am to who I am now, that I may have lost many things, many important things but I have gained so much more than he will ever know or even begin to fathom.
 
(((((HUGS))))))To any of you reading this and to who that understand, much love from all of my heart goes out to you.

"Dying is an art, like everything else I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real."
~Sylvia Plath