SURVIVING THE MEMORIES SITE FOR SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT
EMILY'S STORY

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Little House By The Fray

My Name Is Emily and this is my story....
**name changed

When I was six years old I was at me Aunt's house for Thanksgiving. There were 5 other kids there other then myself, my brother(14) at the time, my cousin *Sam(19), my cousin *Danny(7) and my cousin***Alex who was 19. It was a pretty normal holiday filled with joy, thanks, and love.  But who would have known that this day would turn out to be one of the worst days of my entire life.

After dinner all of the adults were having there tea and coffee, and of course all of the kids were bored.  So we decided to play hide and seek.  My Aunt was afraid that because I was so little I would find some where small that no one would be able to find me or I would go outside and get lost.  So my cousin Alex volunteered to hide with me so that they didn't have to worry.  Now I know that he didn't want to look after me. My brother was it. So me and Alex went to hide.  I didn't know that hiding with him would change my life forever.  He pulled me into his closet and said " no one will find us in here".  I dont remember whether or not there was a lock on the door but I remember him locking the bedroom door as I sat in the closet.  He turned of the lights and climbed in with me.  Minutes later I felt something going beneath my underwear.  I was only 6 so I had no idea what he was doing. He continued to touch me for what felt like hours.  After that I felt him grab my hand and out it down his pants.  He began guiding my hand to give him what I now know is a hand-job.  What he did and said next has stayed in my mind forever.  He whispered, "Have you ever touched one?" I didn't know what he meant but by this time I was unbelievably scared.  So I pulled my hand away.  Then he said, "You won't do it so I will have to take it. He began taking off my clothes.  I was frozen in fear, I tried to scream but nothing came out.  The he pinned me down to the floor of that closest and forced himself into my small 6 year old body.  I was crying from all of the pain.

After what seemed like forever he stopped.  He put my clothes back on me and put his clothes on him....he said that it was our little secret and if I told he would be doing alot worse.

I went downstairs shaking. And I dont remember what happpend after that other then waking up in the hospital.  The never found evidence against him and so he was never suspected of doing anything to me.  I was so scared that when the police asked if someone had touched me I said no.

For years I had to sit next to him at family functions.  Still haunting my memory.

Nearly six years later when I was 13 he decided that he wanted more.  Once again I was at my aunts house....everyone was outside smoking including Alex.  So I went downstairs in the basement to watch tv where I thought I locked the door behind me.  But I didn't.  Less then 5 minutes later he walked into the room again and said,  "I locked all of the doors so there is no point in fighting back".  But I still resited.  It was a family party
with over 30 people so there was loud music, laughing, and other loud noises so no one heard my helpless screams. 

Once again he forced himself on me and before anyone noticed that the doors had been locked and what he had done. Once again he had gotten away with it.  But this time I wouldn't allow it.
 
So 2 weeks after waking up screaming and being so afraid I called the police and told them what had happened but because I waited to long there was very little evidence and he got the minimum sentence.

Because of my rape I fell into a deep depression and began taking out my pain with cutting.  I still struggle with the memories but I survived and that is the most important thing.  I am stronger now and I know that i will conquer.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
~ Nelson Mandela

 
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