My story starts a year back, I was 19 and I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years at this point. My boyfriend lived and worked in America while I was doing the same in Canada, we had the perfect relationship.

My cousin moved to the city I was living in at that time which was nice, since then I didnt know anyone. It was nice to have someone to go out for a coffee or a walk with. I was always close to my cousin since I was a young child and being ablt to see him again was great. He was 23 and I was 19, he also had a son but wasnt with the mother at that time. We became friends and went to the mall everyday just to pass time. I lived in a small city, so there really wasnt anything else to do there.

Everything turned sour one night when we went on a camping trip with my family, my cousin and myself had to share our own tent. This was okay with me, he was my family and I thought it would be awkuard but he was a nice person. We got talking about relationships and some struggles I was facing and he shared his own struggles with me. He whispered in my ear that it was going to be okay. This was when it happend this is something I feel sick in my stomach for telling but it makes me stronger knowing that I can share my story.

I dont remember much about the night, I blacked out through most of it. I remember him laying on top of me, he was heavy like a lead blanket. He penetrated me, I told him no and began to cry. I was crying the whole time trying to push him off of me, he was to heavy for me to move. Tears running down my face my arms held down and my mind was screaming and nothing came out. I felt as if my voice had been taken away, my mouth was trying to scream but all that came out was breath. He finished, I rolled over and covered myself into my blankets. He told me not to tell anyone because he didnt want his son taken away. I never did tell anyone about this, none of my family know, no one.

It was my 4 year anniversery and I left my boyfriend. We were distand to be married, the perfect couple.
I left him, I was convinced it was all his fault, I never actually told him. I started going out, trying to get ecceptance from everyone. I was horrible to my boyfriend I miss him sincerly and I have told him what happend, it was never his fault.

I am horribly ashamed and embarrassed by what happend, he was family, my own cousin. It makes me feel horrible, my skin was raw from trying to wash away the feeling of my cousins dirty selfesh act. I dont know where he is today, and I dont hold any grudge against him. He is disgusting, vile and diserves nothing good. For his sons sake, I have left out his name, I have not told a soul besided my ex and here. My story is frighteningly real, and I have to live with this for the rest of my life, but each day I grow stronger. I just tell myself, one day he might have kids, his son might grow up and he will have to live with this forever.

This is my story, I trust no one now, but its getting better.

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