Over the Rainbow - a site for survivors of any unwanted sexual activity
    Whitney's Poetry
Still

Everytime someone lays a hand on me,
images fly through my mind,
of you holding my frail body down,
Breaking my soul.
Everytime I see you,
my heart stops,
I get petrified with fear.

You fucking boy why the hell did you do this to me.
You were my best friend,
Its been nearly 8 months but the pain is still the same.

I hate to say it,
but it hasnt even began to ease up.
I am so sick of hiding it so people will stop asking,
but i am dieing.
I still remeber,
because I am still so afraid

Maybe if I open my eyes
 Your supposed to be,
but your not.
I can't even get the words out.
nothing right.
What were you doing.
Do you know who I am
Do you know who you are?

I can't get it out of my mind
It plays over and over again.
You know how they hurt me
now why are you doing it.
I'm scared to be in my own house.
Someone come and save me.
I feel like I'm loosing my mind.
Did you really do that,

You did,
you really did,
and thats why it hurts so bad.
You make me so sick,
How could you have done that,
What pleasure is that to you,
Well you make me sick.
Maybe if I close my eyes you'll leave
Maybe if I open my eyes it will all be a dream.
I hope so
Lay me here to die
Lay me here to die
I hold more power than even imaginable.
I can hold my own ground,
You can't just take me over,
I'm not that kind of girl,
Or so I thought.
I thought I was invincible,
But when you held me down,
When you violated me,
I was so weak,
I was so vulnerable,
You made me this way.
You and your selfish actions.
You broke my spirit.
You broke everything I once was.
Oh what a weak little girl I am,
It was all my fault,
I brought it onto myself,
Just lay me here to die.
Lay me here to rot in my own foul self pity.
Lay me here to soak up my own shame.
Lay me here in the middle of the auditorium stage.
That's where I belong,
That's where I was lost.
That's where my soul lives.
Just put me there in the middle of the auditorium stage.
Let me remember-Let me forget.
Let me die-Let me live.
Maybe if I just lie here,
I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare.
Nothing will be real.
Maybe I can still feel.
Hold me down on the auditorium stage,
You've done it before,
I'll scream louder this time,
Maybe someone will hear.
Hope
Hope is what keeps me alive.Hope is what gave me the strength to survive
Everyday when I wake up,
These horrible thoughts go through my mind.
Why cant I just never wake up?
Why do I have to live another day?
I remember everything you did.
Your face freezes in my mind,
and i know,
I have to live.
I have to be able to breathe.
I have to be able to show you,
I am stronger,
I am braver,
Because of you.
Falling Through the Cracks
My body is slowly self destructing,
I am slowly Dieing,
or am already dead?
My body cant take much more pain.
My mind is sick of the never ending what if's,
My eyes cant take any more crying,
My heart is tired of breaking.

My body is slowly Self destructing,
I am slowly Dieing,
I cant take it anymore,
I am slipping through the cracks,

I miss the person I once was.
I miss the happiness I once had,
I miss the disire the need to live,
that i dont have.

I was hurt,
By people I loved,
By people I trusted.
But no one believes me.

I am slowly self destructing,
I miss everything I have lost,
that will never be regained.
I am slowly slipping through the cracks.

Why did it happen?
Why did it have to be me?
Nothing ever works out the way you want it to.

All I want to know is
Why didn't I see it coming
What did I do to deserve it?
How could I have stopped it?
All i want to know is that it is not my fault.

I am slowly self destructing.
Will these questions ever stop?
I am slipping through the cracks.

I am not the same,
And I know I never will be.
I have felt a pain like no other.
I can never love,
I can never trust,
Never again.
I am slowly self destructing,
Never to be rebuilt,
I am slipping throught the cracks,
Never to be found again.
   
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