On Friday June 25th 2004 I died. I have no more words to use. People say things that happened like they did should if anything be used as a good thing to teach a lesson or whatever but I'm just hurt and afraid.
First I'd like to share background information. I'm blonde 58. I model, have awesome grades and more friends than I know what to do with. People called me pretty and I could get any guy I wanted, I look back and say well I guess I know why.
I was 14 years old. On a Friday night in June I believe the 18th I had my best friend over. My ex-boyfriend gave me a call and wanted me to come over. Well I was 14 stupid, still am I guess even at 15, but long story I went. Like I said we had dated before and he wanted sex, well it was more like a need for him. He never forced it on me before or made me mad just let me know that is what he wanted. Well we broke up and after that we had gotten together a few times at parties or whatever and messed around but I would never sleep with him.
Hell I didn't need to, I didn't want to, I was fourteen, no one needs it even if they want to be cool or for what ever reason.
Well so any ways this night we went down to his house which we just snuck out and went about a block on foot. Well we got to his house and he had a friend over which was a friend of mine too. So the night was going like my friend and his friend would do whatever and I and my ex would do whatever. Well we were both in his room, both couples, and the other couple started messin around. So my x and I did as well. Well then he starts wanted sex. I was like nope, I don't want that from you and basically too bad for him. That night we ended up having sex. I told him no twice and then I felt like I owed him and went along with it anyway. I was so ashamed just ick I felt dirty! Well that wasn't close to the end. The following Tuesday which would have been the 22nd a friend called named j. he was 18 and the same friend that was with me the night before was with me again that night. Well we just wanted to go be stupid and go out and party. So he came and picked us up and we went to a nearby town. There was amazingly a really hot guy in the passenger seat with him that I wasn't expecting.
My friend Jen didn't know either of them so the plan that night was that if it came down to it the couples would be her and this guy we didn't no and me and j. Well we ended going to this hot guys house named Brandon and we found out he was 23. Which we didn't care cuz we were like cool he's hot so who gives a fuck. So we ended up going to Brandon house to party.
Well we stayed till about three in the morning and then all of us came to my house. We messed around a little bit and it ended up that because my girl wouldn't have sex with this Brandon kid they got in this huge fight. So the guys ended up leaving.
The next day on Wednesday Brandon calls ME. Why I have no idea. He apologizes to me about the fight but not my friend. Which I was like cool whatever it don't really matter to me I wasn't mad about it cuz it was their thing. So then Thursday comes around. J calls me at night and was like hey I'm in town on my way to my friend's house and I was wondering if I could stop by. Well to make that really long story short. He ended up staying at my house. I had no feelings for him other than a friend so when he suggested sex to me I backed it down especially because we had no protection. It didn't matter to me I wasn't going to sleep with him regardless but I could use that excuse to my advantage. Well he didn't like that. I never once told him no except for one time after he had started his stuff. I told him get the fuck off me this aint how its gunna go down. He did, but was on me again. I didn't fight him because I just knew by the way he was touching me and the way he talked to me no wasn't an answer he was about to take. Well I wouldn't get into it with him so finally he put his clothes on and left. I was so pissed off it wasn't even cool.
So the next day on June 25th Friday which was just the next day I was a total bitch to any one who talked to me. I could seriously bite. So I had a horrible day and towards the end of the night I was goin to bed early and one of my friends Nick came banging on my window telling me that he was taken me out cuz I was in a bad mood or what ever. So I was like hell whatever ill go. I was by myself but I trusted him and he came with a lot of my other friends so it was okay. I left my room to go get something and Brandon the guy that had previously gotten into a fight with my best friend Jen called. Nick answered the phone and Brandon invited us to come to his crib. So I'm leaving my house and Nick is driven he was 16, and they are like so where does Brandon live I had no idea that was where we were goin but we went and we had fun. Well we start driven around town and whatever and we stop at a liquor store and Brandon gets Vodka and all the other guys I was with decided they were goin home for different reasons but Brandon didn't have any ride back home so I suggested he come to my crib and chill wit me until he could find someone to drive him home. So we came back to my house and there was this other guy that came to, his name was Ryan. Ryan was like no one I had ever met he was 18 but scared of girls, really quiet, and had never hurt a fly in his life. So I didn't care that he came over. He had gotten kicked out of his house the day before so I just said stay with me cuz I trusted him he wasn't goin to do anything and as it turned out he didn't. So any ways the last thing I remember was talkn to Brandon about his job.
At 5 am the police were at my house and people were goin to jail. I don't remember much. I obviously drank the vodka and ended up in the hospital for a week with alcohol poisoning. There isnt much to say after that. Brandon which I was totally cool with took advantage of me but he was drunk too but still it blah blah...but now he is goin to jail for 50 years. I no I would not have slept with him he is just too old. I'm hurting so much. My dad is abusive and I'm in counselling and it just feels like the world is over. I've tried looking at the rape from Brandon as a good positive thing that would turn around my life but I'm just hurting. I'm hurting because I trusted him and he hurt me in a worse way imaginable. I believe that the other two guys should be in jail but im not sending any more people to jail I just cant bring myself to do it. I just wanted to share my story so that other girls my age or any age would no that parties aren't that great anything can happen when u least expect it. Don't fuck around. People are smart any one who is reading this is smart. BE SMART. Don't hang with people older than yourself be the best u can be. Smile!
Today is October 3rd 2004. I haven't gotten over it. I fear men in general. I can't believe I was so stupid to do what I did that week. I feel like I'm getting beat up everyday because of what I did. The hospital says there are signs of date rape drugs that I could have had. My new boyfriend doesn't no know how to deal with it and neither do most of my friends. No one knows how much I'm hurting cuz I try to smile and make like nothing is wrong when it is it really is. If any one wants to talk to wants advice or wants to know anything more in detail im here and I always will be. I feel weird talkn like this cuz im more of ur average prep and really supposed to be into herself. But I've changed so it doesn't matter who you are this shit can happen to any one.