Over the Rainbow - a site for survivors of any unwanted sexual activity
    From "Death and the Maiden" - Ariel Dorfman
Paulina tells her partner what she wants to do with the man she believes tortured her 15 years ago:
PAULINA: When I heard his voice last night, the first thought that rushed through my head, what I've been thinking all these years, when you would catch me with that look that you said was abstract, fleeting, right? - you know what I was thinking of? Doing to them, systematically, minute by minute, instrument by instrument, what they did to me. Specifically to him, to the doctor. Because the others were so vulgar, but he would play Schubert, he would talk about science, he even quoted Nietzsche to me once.

GERARDO: Nietzsche.

PAULINA: I was horrified at myself. That I should have so much hatred inside, but it was the only way to fall asleep at night, the only way of going out with you to cocktail parties in spite of the fact that I couldn't help asking myself if one of the people there wasn't, perhaps not the exact same man, but one of those people might be, and so as not to completely of my rocker and be able to deliver that Tavelli smile you say I am going to have to continue to deliver, well I would imagine pushing their head into a bucket of their own shit, or electricity, or when we would be making love and I could feel the possibility of an orgasm building, the very idea of currents going through my body would remind me and then, and then I had to fake it, fake it so you wouldn't know what I was thinking, so you wouldn't feel that it was your failure, oh Gerardo.

GERARDO: Oh my love, my love.

PAULINA: So when I heard his voice, I thought the only thing I want is to have him raped, have someone fuck him, that's what I thought, that he should know just once what it is to...And as I can't rape, I thought it was a sentence you would have to carry out.

GERARDO: Don't go on, Paulina.

PAULINA: But then I told myself that it would be difficult for you to collaborate in that scheme, after all you do need to have a certain degree of enthusiasm to...

GERARDO: Stop, Paulina.

PAULINA: SO I asked myself if we couldn't use a broom. Yes a broom, Gerardo, you know, a broomstick. But I began to realise that wasn't what I had really wanted - something that physical. And you know what conclusion I came to, the only thing I really want?

Brief pause

I want him to confess. I want him to sit in front of that cassette recorder and tell me what he did - not just to me, everything, to everybody and then have him write it out in his own handwriting and sign it and I would keep a copy forever, with all the information, the names and data, all the details. That's what I want.

   
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