"Circle Of Evil"- Pencil and Photoshop 7/5/05
The figure on the floor, crying into his hands, is Jesus. I knew, during my rapes, that I was not alone, and God was right there. I still haven't gotten the whole scene right, as I really wanted the figure of Jesus to somehow be reassuring me. But, I could not figure out how to posture the figure in a way that looked as if he is comforting me, without messing it up, and making it look like it was two against one. So, I chose to use the "And Jesus Wept" from the memorial in Oklahoma City.
"Tools"- Conte and Pastels 12/13/04
These are the tools of an engineer. These are the tools of my rapist.
The red bandana was one of three used to tie my hands, my feet, and blindfold my eyes. What originally began as a pleasant evening changed, when casual playful games went too far, turning into subtle manipulation, mental and emotional abuse, sexual coercion, unwanted sexual touching, sexual assault, and eventually rape. This is just one of many incidents where consensual actions changed to non-consenting acts, each occurring over the course of a relationship lasting for a year and a half.
This piece of art came from the "Choking" poem (see this page
). What on earth made him think that my mouth was deep enough for him to shove his entire penis in my mouth, is beyond me. I tried to draw this, but found that I wanted it to be "anatomically correct". Either way, it was too deep for me.