Being a Child is not what it seems!
A world full of hopes,
A heart full of dreams.
The ice cream parlor, Where every one goes.
The little Secrets that no one knows!
Going to sleep a heart full of fear!
Wiping away the last little tear!
Itís searching for love,
And no oneís around.
And searching for help that canít be found.
Itís going to sleep and wanting to die!
How much more can I cry?
Itís closing youíre eyes and wishing him gone.
Itís minding your heart where itís been torn!
Itís taking a bath to wash it way
Only to find itís here to stay!
Itís wanting your mother to protect you at night.
Itís wanting her arms to hold to tight!
Money and cokes and basketball cheers,
Spending the night a heart full of fears!
Laughing playing and having fun,
Where never a part of being young!
A world of lost hopes and shattered dreams
This childís life is not what it seems!
First love; Precious daughter.
Her laughter so swift,
His hands so sure.
His love so unpure.
His loyalty amazing.
The sun in the sky turns black.
Why must he come back?
The time as past and nothing has changed.
He lied about the things we shared.
He even lied when he said he cared.
A kiss a touch
I once believed his love was true.
I was a child
What was I to do?
I know he never loved me
And Iím trying not to cry
I must find the strength some how
Not to want to die
He was so mean and demanding
Why couldnít mom be understanding?
These are the memories I donít want to face
I feel the pain and heartache rise.
And of course the tears in my eyes.
Why couldnít this man see just how much he was hurting me?
Please Dear God
Let this end
Donít let daddy destroy again.
Today is my Birthday.
No ice cream or cake!
The smile I wear is forced and fake!
Donít want a birthday this year.
Eight years old
On this sad day.
Full of fear.
Outside in the yard sounds of laughter and play.
Why is everyone so happy on this hated day?
Inside the house, all alone
I only came in to answer the phone!
Too late to hide!
Daddy stumbles and finds his way inside.
Locking the door,
He throws me to the floor
ďHAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG GIRLĒ
I have got something I want you to see.
Oh dear god please let me get free!
Closing my eyes this I pray
Daddy please donít hurt me this way!
With his hand over my mouth,
Unable to SHOUT.
Daddy why are you touching me this way?
Didnít anyone tell you itís my
No place to go, No place to hide
Memories locked deep inside.
Swift forgotten tears, Developing new fears.
The day begins black.
Light fails to follow this lonely track.
Light of my heart falls gray.
Never having a clearing, not even for a day.
No mother to hold me, To say Iíll be O.K
She could care less if I die today.
Mothers body full of drugs
Her mind full of pollution!
She uses her little girl for
Never felt a mothers bond.
She had to many worries,
Of booking her little girl with a John!
Money first is what she would say!
She would leave the room.
But I had to stay!
Twelve years old
Too young to be sold!
The money is worth it.
So Iíve been told!
Fear for my life I perform their task!
To stop I dare to ask!
Come on in she will do what to say!
As long as you have the money to pay!
Being patient I wait this life I do so hate.
Let go of yesterday, forget about today,
The pain and the sorrow.
Maybe Iíll survive till tomorrow.
No place to go no place to hide
From memories deep inside.
Why mother did this I canít say.
I donít have a chose to see her today.
I guess thatís the price she had to pay!
Pardon me people
Still living in shame
Forgive me people
Canít give my name!
Our Child Within
The Child Within,
Where has she been?
Living with memories of darkness and sin!
Cannot embrace that child within.
The shame it has no end!
Donít show your face,
Stay inside and pray.
The corner is yours dark and gray!
Silence your heart
Donít you cry
What good would it do?
Donít even try!
Canít let her out!
People will see,
The scared little girl inside of me!
She wants to be loved!
She needs to feel safe!
Embrace her today along with her sorrow,
She wants to come out
And play tomorrow!
Hey little girl What do you See?
Was it Deception of God?
Did he forget about you and me?
Fear becomes youíre childhood companion.
Was that Gods Plan?
Come take a walk.
Give Satan your hand.
Silently accept what happens to you.
Surrender your identity.
Come Satan wants you to.
Listen well and do what your told.
Daddy should not be provoked
There goes your power its been revoked.
Turn out the lights and close your eyes.
Satan comes in the night
Thatís no surprise!
Wake up my child and pray with me
Stand against his presence
We will make him see
He has no strong hold on you or me.
Resist the devil and he will flee
At last my child we can be free.
With Gods help we can see
Itís not deception of God
Only our perception you see.
Forces of evil
Satan works through other people.
We command Satan to depart
And release our heart!
God is in control.
Theirs purpose for our Survival
Letís make Satan our biggest rival.
Let go of our secrets infused with shame,
Shed light on the darkness of our heart full of pain
Take hold of our hand
Letís go for a walk.
We ask this from God.
Just a small part.
Help us to mend our broken heart.
Up and down and around and around
Iím in a support group, In therapy again!
Years in recovery is there ever an end?
Mirror Mirror on the wall
Where is God when I fall?
Such and such and so and so.
Round and round and round I go!
Iím told the abuse was not my fault,
So why is my pain so deeply felt?
Memory Memory please go away,
The little girl in me wants to play!
From here to there
And there to where?
No one really seems to care!
All my hopes wishes and dreams.
Too much time in therapy it seems!
Circling, whirling up and down
There is the sky
But where's the ground?
Oh well what the hell.
Life is but a pumpkin shell!
Going through therapy once again
Will recovery ever end?
Now your here and now your not,
And when itís done what have you got?
Round and round and round I go,
Will it work I need to know?
I will work harder then I did before.
Oh dear God please open the door.
A thousand words and a thousand more,
Still my story could not be told.
My heart my soul my body sold.
Up and down back and forth
To and fro
Round and round and round it goes!
When it will stop nobody knows!
I said a prayer for me today
And asked God to make a way.
I asked him for courage and strength,
And the persistence to go any length.
A part of me I own
But only a part
There are still deep recesses in my heart.
And vast uncharted wastelands in my mind.
I must explore and search until I find
The rest of me
When I possess my soul
Then Ėthen I will be whole!
To take my life
Would let her win
I can not give her victory
I have lied to my self
And said I cared
To speak the truth
I did not dare.
I can not forgive her
And thatís a ďsinĒ
To be a Christian
Where do I begin?
I hunger for her Love
But let the truth be known
I would not accept love
If she let me come home.
I am so confused and hurt deep in my heart.
Why must God and I be so far apart?
As silence of the night turns to rain.
I pray to God to wash away my pain
The pain and the hurt that almost had me six feet in the dirt!
There are two days in the week in which I will not worry
One is yesterday,
With all its mistakes and cares its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
Tomorrow with its possible adversities and blunders.
Until the sun rises we have no stake in tomorrow
For it is yet unborn.
That leaves Today
I will fight the battle for just one day!
So for today
I am here to stay!
I said a prayer for me today
And thanked God
For making a way!