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Survivor Stories

All the stories here make me very sad,i have a daughter now who is almost ten,and alot of these stories make me afraid to let her go to friends houses. I mean we can never really know whats going on at them.As many of these stories prove. I will tell my story because I'm not sure that its even on here.

My story is different in that it in no way ammounts to anything even remotely as painful as incest.To tell you the truth I can not say for sure that it was even "rape".

My parents were religious and never allowed most t.v programs(including smurfs)didn't allow us to date or go to dances.Until we were sixteen. And it was only because they pretty much lost the battle to my older sister,and thought they had better give us a little lee-way or we'de all run wild.

That was what was beginning to happen.

My older brother was using some small drugs(pot and hash),and he was becoming an alcoholic. My sister (also older)was just taking off with friends and not coming home til she was good and ready. I was the pet. Last in line.So I didn't have to struggle to pass new laws(in the home) I had discovered my'look' bleached blonde and short dresses(I'm 5'8)so they were always shorter on me!I hit puberty late and was awarded a beautiful body,and alot of stares. My first boyfriend that I had sex with was a religious young man,involved deeply in the church. So deeply that he felt it necessary to share with the congregation(the youth group)our sexual life. I was made to feel very small while we dated,he hadn't been a virgin but I had.(I had done stuff before...but never went all the way,until him) basically my parents trusted him enormously...and the church considered me a slut. So I cheated on him.My then-best friend and I were picked up by some guys,we didn't know them,and a guy 10 years older than me played with my breasts in the back seat. I asked him to keep his hands to himself,but he just thought that was funny.

The driver whom I hadn't spoken with yet took us too the beach. He asked me if I wanted to have some fun,and I said "sure" I'm not sure that I really knew what he meant. We went into the public bathroom,and had sex on the sink-countertop. He finished quickly,and a girl commented on that and he said I was tighter than he was used too.

I was very insulted at the time.Partially because I didn't realize every one else knew what we were doing,and how they knew. Well I started to see him while still seeing the"christian" then I began to see someone else also. My story really starts when I moved in and then out of the "sink-sex guys"place.

He had commented often how I reminded him of this stripper chic he used to screw,and people at work would tell me I should be one. So one night at a guys house(I didn't know him) I took off my shirt while drunk...for all too see. These men at this party were all 10-20 years older than my friend and I.

By this time we were living with two older men...porno addicts.There walls were papered in it.And we were sleeping in a closet.After one of there friends came over and tried to force me into having sex. He was feeling my breasts up,and pushing his hands down my pants,and I was crying and he got mad like I was a cry baby.I had barely spoken to him before that,he had told me he wanted to talk to me,and foolishly,trustingly I had followed but my whines scared him off.Thank God! And then another guy had come into the room we were sleeping in and offered to give me a full body massage,I refuseed and he sat there and rubbed my feet. Hence the closet.We locked ourselves in each night.

So back to the party where I took off my shirt.Everybody liked what they saw,and the guy hosting it said his friend was stripper agent and could get me work. I was excited,then one of his doofus friends tried to get me in the sack,he pushed me into the bedroom,and was putting his hands up my skirt and in my underwear,I was drunk so I wasn't as afraid as I would be today. I managed to fend him off by telling him i was on the rag,but if I hadnt been,I would do it.

He still pestered me,but I told him to check if he didn't beleive me,and he was happier knowing that I would've done it. It was the day before my seventeenth birthday,and I had promised my parents I would come home for it,by midnight. I was being a rotten daughter and I felt very guilty about it. But my friend wasn't ready to go.You know how when you are very drunk you get emotional...well I started crying because she wouldn't come with me,and when I tried to explain myself to a trusted friend of ours,he took me into the bushes,and started french kissing me. I was crying harder and dropped to the ground,feeling angry that he was trying to take advantage like that. He thought I was being the baby! I took off and left my friend there hitch-hiking home drunk by myself.Luckily an old couple had picked me up,taking me safely home. The last time I had gotten into a car drunk,a group of teen boys(6 I think) had picked me up. I sat on the knee of the passenger in the front seat,while he felt me up,and the guys in the back seat,encouraged him. Stupidly I just giggled like they were so silly or something. I tell you..I know Gods been watching over me. The driver in the car let me out exactally where I had asked to be. Well the guy at the party did end up setting me up with this agent friend.We were to stay put in the apartment of those old guys,they had been appointed our guardians by him. And we were not allowed to leave...but we did sneak out!

The guy came a few days later. I remember being very nervous.I had on a bathing suit,under my clothes. When he got there he made me go into the bedroom with him alone. I took off my clothes down to my bathing suit as he explained he needed to see the goods. That wasn't good enough. I took it all off. He directed me to lean back on the bed and spread my legs so he could see it all. I obeyed. I wonder at myself today. Being that foolish young girl.

That night my friend and I piled into their small car,seating ourselves on the knees of these strangers,and we went to the'agents' home 3 hours away. He had promised me great things,limos,cash...etc. We got to his suburban house,but had to be quiet so we wouldn't wake his wife or kids! My friend slept,while at 3 or so in the morning,he called over several other men,to see his new pet-me. I had to take off my shirt so they could see my breasts. I was the only girl,there were about 5 guys. I was very nervous. Through-out the next week,I was introduced to several other men ,and was permitted by the owner of a nude-bar to dance in his club...even though he said I looked real young. Not knowing how things were supposed to work,what the rules were surrounding preparing ones self to strip,I let him display me to everyone,and to my great humiliation,he shaved me. He had me lean back on a toilet while he spread my legs and shaved me. He told me I gave him a chub-on,and called in his best friend to see if I gave him one too. According to him I did. Next it was time for a dance lesson. I went downstairs...with my 'agent',and performed a nude dance for him.

After all I had to get it right before I could go on stage. I think he got naked so I would feel more 'comfortable'..ya right. I didn't know the ins and outs of stripping at the time.But your last dance is done on the floor,laying,bucking,etc. But he was becoming exasperated because I wasn't mimicking sex the way I should. He was making fun of me,saying I was a baby and hadn't been with a real man. He wanted to know how many men I had been with. He was 35,I was 17. I would need to learn how to imitate sex for the floor dance,he said. I really can't say how I got on him.It must be in my mind somewhere. It makes me feel so stupid,like I'm lying,like there was nothing inappropriate about what happened. Because somehow I was on top. I don't remember if he started on top of me,I can't remember. I wish I could revisit that day to make sure I did all I could do to prevent it from happening. He guided my hips,because I wouldn't move,I had already told him I didn't want to have sex,numerous times,and I knew he was trying to coersce me into doing it,by teasing me.

I told him while he was trying to make me move that I didn't want to have sex. I wouldn't move. He wasn't rough.Just mean. He told me I was a dead fuck,and I couldn't make him cum.I got off. I was very upset my friend hadn't heard us,or helped me,but she was up stairs having sex with someone else. Consentual.

The next day I told my friend and the guy she'd been screwing what happened. And he said "what you can't say no?"

And that was that.

About 2 or 3 days later,another guy,a pdr biker that I had grown to like and trust very much,who had said a few days earlier he wouldn't even try to get me,because I was out of his league,when my friend had told him she was worried about all of the guys who tried to take advantage of me. Well he came down to the bed I was sleeping in in the basement. By this time I was bitten all over my legs by fleas,as there cat was infested in them.

He laid behind me,and I didn't know for sure who it was at first.He started petting me,he was around 40 years old, I had pretended to sleep for a few minutes of it,but could pretend no longer. He had his fingers inside me and I could feel his eraction. I told him I wouldn't do anything without a condom. I said that,instead of 'get the hell off of me,like I should have,because I was scared, I knew he wouldn't wear a condom,he'd already told us. I didn't do anything for him,but laid there and endured the disgusted sensation of being eaten out by a bearded man,with no teeth.

I came home a few weeks later,I only danced for a while. Its confusing.You feel the draw when people shout to you onstage,they can't get enough of looking at you.You feel special.

Its all a hoaxe. The sex industry,each end of it...its all prostitition.Getting money for giving yourself away. I can't wipe away the memories. They are my secret shame. I continued the cycle,needing a place to stay at one point a handsome man and his friend overheard us,and the two guys who had promised we could stay with them,changed their minds as we were getting in the cab and said we'd have to have sex with them in order to share the room. We were going to go,because we had no where else.But the two men came over and told us all that the one guys dad was a cop,and he could have the men charged. So we went instead to a hotel with the other two. He picked me up into his arms after I'de had a long bath,and he carried me to the bedroom,where we had exhausting sex all night.(I fell asleep while he was doing it!)

I don't know if thats considerd consentual.Once again I felt I had no choice.

The next day the other guys asked me how the sex was.I guess they could see the motive.The guy told me his dad wasn't really a cop when we got to the room.

I don't know what else to say except that I led my life accordingly. I did nearly all the drugs imagineable,I remember doing coke and thinking I could fuck every guy in the room,and would've if my addict boyfriend hadn't been there. I had alot of sex,after all it was nothing. I've never felt the beautiful experience of making love,its all about nasty,as dirty as you can get.

I've shared little peices of my story,with my husband and best friend,but I'm a fairly happy person,so I feel like I don't fit the criteria so maybe thats not what it was. Who is to judge really.

My hubby and best girl friend know I was a slut. I know I was too. But they don't beleive any body else did anything wrong but me. Maybe thats true.

I want to tell my husband all,and how I feel,but every time I tell him stuff he thinks I'm trying to hurt his feelings by telling him about other men.

I married the addict,he's recovered,he was someone I had a one stand with back then.

I'm 27 now with kids I love dearly,and I don't want toi see any one of them take the paths their father and I took. Recently my brother shared with me that our uncle forced him to do stuff,I didn't want all the details it hurt just to hear that. I asked him why he didn;'t tell our Christian parents,and he said he told them years ago.

They never did anything about it,at all to my knowledge. They still talk to him on the rare occassion that they see him. Maybe it was not that bad as it was my mothers brother and she came from an abusive home-though I am not positive it was sexually abusive,we aren't an open family.(I mean not that bad to her,she used to be very mean to my brother,too. And beat him)

I don't know if any of this is even anything. I know I have low self worth alot. I still feel I am only something if men want me. This sight is a sad portrayal of how little our bodies,and souls are worth.

I hope my children can escape all sexual unpleasantness. I encourage them to always tell me if something ever happens to them. And I pray to God that nothing ever will.

If someone could tell me if this is nothing or something I'd appreciate it.

Name Withheld

I am 14 years old and was "taken advantage of" by an older guy. I want to share my story with those who need to hear it.

My name is Lisa and in April of 2000 Imeet an older guy online while at my cousins house for the weekend. I got an instant message from a guy and we talked for a while and then he asked me to call him we were from the same state. So I agreed to call him and we talked for a little while then continuosly after that. Well he had told me he was 18 years old and I told him I was 13 (which I was at the time) When I first talked to him he told me he was 20. Well we had been talking for about 2 weeks or so when he asked me to meet him at the movies. So I talked to my cousin who agreed to come with me she brought her boyfriend (who I have nown for about 9 years.) We meet him at the movies and he asked us if we wanted to go back to his house instead of seeing a movie. We all agreed and got into his 98' red mustang and drove away. When we got to his house we went strait to his room all four of us. While we were in there he was touching me and he ahd his hands between my legs and then the question came, "Can I make love to you?" I was stuned I didn't know what to say.

I told him not in front of them (referring to my cousin and her boyfriend) well he took me into another room. We then "made love" after we had finished he took us back to where we would be picked up. Days went by and I didn't hear from him so I decided to call. He told me he didn't think it was right for us to see each other. I was heart broken. Thinking that it meant something I frlt ashamed and nasty i lost my virginity to a complete stranger.

I never told anyone about that night until around July when my parents found out by my cousin. I was mad at her forever but now I know she did the right thing. The very next day we went and I pressed charges against the guy. My parents were heart broken as well not believing I would go through all this pain alone. They lost all respect for me all their trust and still till this day are worried about me when I am gone. The guy was charged with capitol rape and is spending 30 years in prison.

I never care to see him again or hear from him again. I wasted a precious thing that night. I have thought about suicide but that doesn't get anyone no place special so I have now completly erased that idea from my head. But I am still left with the pain of that night. Wherever a guy looks at me I always think twice about smiling or even saying hi to them. I do have a boyfriend who is very cautious and cares about me alot his name is Frank. He knows about the horrible things I went through and doesent want me to go through it again. We have talked about sex but have both decided no it's not the right time for anything like that for either of us.

So I give you my story and hope you can publish it on your website I want every one to know what I went through and hope it never happens to them.

Name Withheld

Gosh I don't really know where I should start. I'll make this as short and to the point as I can.

I had a crush on Mike for two years. And we started hanging out when I was going out with his friend. I ended up breaking up with his friend a week or so later. Mike called me up, and we talked on the phone forever. In short we became best friends as the months went by. We'd hang out almost everyday. We would flirt sometimes. just tickling,or I would sit on his lap or something, he saw me chang before but just into a different shirt and I had my bathing suit on so it was no big deal. that's how our friendship was. I wanted more but I knew he didn't, so I drew a line. It ended at flirting. No kissing, and certainly nothing below the belt.

One night It was me, Mike, and his cousin Danny (names have been changed). We were in Mike's room listening to music really loud, and Mike turned on the strobe light and we were just goofing around like we always do. Then it all just started going wrong. Mike came up to me started taking my pants off. I quickly stopped him and started to backing away telling him to stop. he came back over and against my force he kept trying to get my pants off. His cousin Danny came up behind me and grabbed my arms and pulled me back onto the couch Mike had in his room. I told him to stop several times. he never listened. I crossed my legs so tight, but he was still able to pry them apart. I started to cry, I didn't even think to scream or fight anymore my mind was somewhere else. I was having flash backs from when I was sexually assaulted on a cruise 7 months before now, and then I was praying to god asking him to save me. when he finally stopped, his cousin wouldn't let me go until I stopped crying. I forced myself to stop. They both tried comforting me.

Then the phone rang I felt a twing of hope at that point. It was my friend Samantha, but long time friend of Mike's. Danny got on the phone with her. and Mike had me up against the wall he was touching me everywhere. I told him to keep his hands off me. He would not listen. I got on the phone with Samantha I begged her to come over I figured that is she was there they would leave me alone. I'm not ready to say what happened after that.

But it's been a year and a half. and I have finally gathered the strength to press charges against Mike, and Danny. Right now I'm waiting for the trial. And I'm still working to get past this but it is so hard. And I cannot deny the thoughts of death have crossed my mind more than once. that night I died. he took something that wasn't his to take. I blamed it on myself for so long, but no not anymore. I'm sick of seeing him walking the hallways of school laughing with his friends care free. When all this time I've been hanging on by my finger nails trying to survive. Now he knows he's not going to get away with this.

The police got a partial confession out of him which was that heard me say stop and he didn't, but he told them he thought I was kidding. When really he knew I wasn't. otherwise he wouldn't have tried to comfort me, he wouldn't have had to pry my legs apart. his cousin woulnd't have had to hold me down. I have to admit right now I'm gonna go insane if this trial takes any longer. I feel so alone, and so anger. I feel so many emotions all at once and it's taking all my energy away. I've been sleeping all the time. lost my appetite, and kinda have been turning anti social to my dismay. I'm just looking for people that understand me.

im: Oo Snow Ange1 oO

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