The first time I ever was touched I was six years old it was by my oldest brother and we were in Mackay and I really didn't know what was going on as time went on I did but I was to scared to say any thing and when my other brother stared I could not stop it then when I was at school I was touched by three different boy I was one of these kids that was in fights every day but when it come to say no I was to scared to say any thing and I think that is where I have let men walk all over me.
Then when I was 15yr old I was raped by a man and I have never told any one . We were in the swimming pool in Brisbane and he come up to me and was nice to start with and then it went down hill from there when he started to touch me I went back to this little six year old kid. Could not say any thing he started to finger me and I pulled away but he pulled him self closer and then he then but his thing in me I have not been so scared in my life I didn't know this person and he took more out of my life it was screwed up but know it's even worse then most things. Then six months later I was raped again and this time I had a child to this person I still can not talk about it but I hope I can I 'm sorry I need someone to talk to or just to right about
im: How Many Times
When I was about 7 or 8 my mom got a boyfriend. on night about a year after they got married, he came into my room. he ordered me to get undressed, and to lie with my legs apart. I thought he was doing something good, like checking up on me, then I felt a pinch
one night and woke up to a rocking feeling, and looked down and that bastard was having sex with me, I look back now and think I was so young and didn't know what was happening. this happened until i was 12. 8 years ago I got pregnant was I was 11, and he beat me so my baby would die
my mom worked a night shift at a bar and that's where she met him.
he would comment and have sex a with me every time my mom was away. he would invite his friends over and they would rape me. Then my mom was sick one time and she told me to tell her boyfiend that she was home then she went to sleep. he came into my room 'cause I didn't tell him about her there and started sex with me I screamed for my mom and he said" no point of calling her, she's not home " then to our surprise she came rushing in and screamed "he" exclaimed it was all my idea, but my mom kicked him out.
I don't know why i am doing this,i guess i just need to tell someone,to see if it will stop the pain,or the anger,or maybe just seeing it in black and white will help me deal with it. The ones who know about it,say iam old enough to forget about it,act grown up,but, i can't, i can't stop being angry.
My father molested me,the first time it happened i don't even remember it,my mother told me about it, she says she caught my father showing himself to me in the kitchen,i was 2 years old.
Like i said i had no memory of anything until i was 7 years old. It is a horrific thing for a 7 year old to perform oral sex on her own father,he told me he would kill my mother if i told her.
I kept silent for 2 years,until i could no longer stand it,when i told her,she put me and my brother on a bus and we all came back to my grandmothers house.
I don't understand why if my mother knew about it for 5 years,she did't do something, why did she stay with him,why did she tell me at all after i was grown?
I am so angry,so hurt.
I tried to forgive my father, because i knew if God'' were to forgive me,then i had to also forgive,and maybe i could have,except even after i was grown and married,my father came to my house,and said it could be like it used to be.
Well, i told him to get out of my house,and i never wanted to see him as long as he lived, it's been 13 years and i haven't seen him since.
My problem is myself,why do i wonder if he's alive? Should i care? I have deep problems,that no one can seem to fix,least of all me. I do not know how to heal and i don't want to live this way anymore. I hope someone can help me, maybe that is my reason for telling my story.