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Survivor Stories

My life was very nice until I turned eleven and my father came into my bedroom while I was asleep and put his hands on all my brand new developing private places. Being a child I didn't understand his motivation, but I knew I did'nt like it. I let him know and he left.

The next night I climbed in the bed with my little sister hoping my father would not bother me again. I woke up with my fathers' hands caressing me in the wrong spots again, I said leave me alone and went back to my room and shut the door. In the morning my mother was washing the dishes with me and I said I didn't know what dad was doing at night to me when he tried to take off my pajama top. My mother took two steps away from me and her eyes got very large and she said very loudly what did you say! I thought she was going to slap me and I said nothing and left the room.

Later that night I put two steak knives under my pillow and waited for my father to come home. About one oclock in the morning my bedroom door opened and my father stood there chuckling and looking at me in the bed with my eyes squinched shut so he wouldnt know I was awake. I prayed please dont let him bother me again I dont want problems with my family. He came over to the bed and pulled the covers slowly off my chest, I jumped out of the bed with a knife in each hand screaming and crying please dont bother me anymore I will kill you and tell mom whats been happening. After his look of shock he gave me an evil smile and told me to get back in the bed and he left the room.

That night was the beginning of my life as an orphan. My father made my life hell after that and when I was fourteen he threatened to put me into an insane asylum. I ran away from home and all the other children of my father are wealthy with my fathers' help. I am very poor and now that my mother an father are divorced my mother says she is sorry she did not believe me. The family business depends on me keeping my mouth shut about this but I am still shunned from the family and very poor. Sometimes I want to kill myself but I am a christian so I have faith that God has me here for a purpose.

Name Withheld

I was selected to be a student representative for a school conference in May 1998. I was a sophomore and 16 years old. The conference was in Peoria, Illinios. I'm from California. I was so excited because this was going to be my first time flying. When we got to the hotel where all the students were staying, being the outgoing person I am, I started introducing myself to everyone. One of the first people I met was Victor, he was 24 and from Massachusetts.

That night (Wednesday) they went over the rules, no girls in guy's rooms and no guys in girl's rooms, and all the other basics. Thursday was normal, breakout sessions about careers, more meetings and some freetime to get to know everyone. Myself, some studdents from Peoria and some others from Massachusetts, including Victor ditched the breakout sessions and meetings and just hung out. Friday morning was the same as Thursday. Friday night there was a dance, but I decided to stay in my room and read. The phone rang, Victor was on the ohter end inviting me to a party in his room, I accepted. I fixed my make-up and hair and took one last look at an innocent child, headed downstairs, accross the lobby and back up to Victor's room. When I got there, Victor offered me a beer, which I polietly declined, then Angel offered me one, then Shaland, then Hakim, and Jennifer, and Victor again. Finally I accepted one and sat next to Victor and a couple other students, we all engaged in a meaningless conversation, about only Godess knows what. In an hour and half I had consumed four beers and two screwdrivers, after a dinner two hours before that only consisted of a small garden salad.

I was buzzing pretty hard, but I can still recall everything that happened. Victor leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I need to talk to you." I followed him accross the room and into the tiny bathroom. He told me to lock the door. I did. He pulled me close to him and started kissing me. I tried to push him away, but I couldn't. I tried to scream, but my "help" didn't make it past my own head. He took off my clothes, then his own and started kissing me and grabing me. He inserted himself in me and I felt the worst feeling I had ever known, my tresure, my virginity had been stolen. He continued in this fashion for nearly an hour, performing anal sex on me and making me perform oral sex on him. When I had finally had enough, I left. I gathered all my clothes, got dressed and left.

I went back to my hotel room. In the elevator all I can remember thinking was, "No, this isn't happening, I didn't just do that." When I got to my room I found the other girls there talking with our chaperone, I was so scared she would ask me where I had been or at least smell the alcohol in my breath, but she never said a word. I just took a shower, changed, and climbed into bed, never saying a word about what had happened to anyone. And that's the way it stayed for a year and seven months, never saying a word to anyone about what had happened.

I haven't seen Victor or heard from him since the conference. And I have been told that it's too late to pursue legal action. If you are reading this and you haven't told anyone, please, for all those who have suffered silently, tell someone, anyone and pursue legal action quickly. For us.

Elizabeth Marie Pepe Perew

I've only been able to tell 3 of my closest friends what happened to me that night. I am 21 now, this hapened less than a yr. ago.

My older brother(he's 23 now), his friend Denise, & myself went to visit my best friend Lynn on 1/14/00, a Fri. night. She was thowing a party @ her apt. She lives about 2hrs. from me, she is in college. The night was going well....they @ the party made some "hunch punch", strong w/ vodka. I never did, & especially now, don't drink often. I had about 2 1/2 full cups of this punch. Denise was flirting w/ me all night. I've known him for many yrs., & I've always known he's liked me. I've always noticed him, but never really thought about him like that. I'd never really trusted him.

Well, by 1:00am, Denise was really flirting & getting drunk. My brother was drinking alot, & was quite trashed by then. Denise & I were sitting @ the table & my brother went up to Lynn's room & crashed @ about 3:00am. Denise & I played a game of war w/ a deck of cards that were lying on the table. While we were playing, he pulled my legs onto his lap. I was wearing a long black dress. He would look @ me & kiss me. I didn't mind. Then he began touching me all over. He took a card in his hand & went under my dress between my legs. I made him stop. Most everyone had passed out by this time, but a few drunk people were still in the rooms we were in. We kissed alot & finished our card game. They put on 2 good slow dance songs. The 2nd was that last song in the movie Dirty Dancing,"I had the time of my life". We danced together.

Then @ about 4:17am, we went upstairs(I remember looking @ the clock as we laid down). I changed into pants & a t-shirt & we laid down on the floor in one of the rooms. Lynn had given us some blankets. We laid down together & I was so tired & was going to sleep. But then he leaned over & kissed me. I kissed him back. He wanted to go further. He put his hands all over my stomach & breasts. He grabbed my hand & put it on his penis. I told him no & to stop touching me.

He did stop for a few min., but then he started touching me again & he kept trying to unbutton my pants. I told him no, but he'd push & do it anyways. He kissed me so hard. He liked to bite. He bit my lips as he'd kiss me. All I could think about was how wrong it felt. He kept kissing me all over my neck & ears. He kept biting my ears. He was on top of me & had my shirt up & he unbuttoned my pants. All he was wearing then was a pair of flannel boxers. He kept rubbing against my body. He kept wanting to go farther & I kept telling him no, & he would stop for a min. & say he's sorry, but he'd start doing it again. He'd suck on my nipple. He kept trying to take my pants & underwear off. I didn't want him to touch me, but I was still pretty buzzed from drinking a little too much, & he was pretty messed up too. I hate not being in control, & I felt so weak, but knew everyting that was happening to me.

He kept pushing to go further & I kept saying no, but he would only stop for a moment. He kept puting my hands where he wanted them. He liked the dog collar I was wearing, he'd grab it & pull me closer to him. He put his hand down my pants & started rubbing & putting his fingers into me. He wanted me to grab his dick. I kept saying no, but I did it a little then asked him to stop. He pulled me on top of him & kept touching & kissing me. My arm got tired & sore so he let me get off him. He laid next to me & asked me to kiss his chest. I did even though I didn't want to. He pulled his boxers down, he wanted me to suck his dick. I'd never done that before, I didn't want to. Then he got on top of me again. He pulled my pants & underwear down & off my left leg. I didn't want him to & I tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't. He was so much bigger & stronger than I was. He did what he wanted to do. He went down & gave me head. I couldn't move. When he came back up to my face, he had his boxers down & said something to me about that he had a condom in his bag & if I wanted him to get it. I told him no, that I didn't want to have sex.

He kept talking & kissing me so hard. He kept saying things to me like,"I want you so bad", & "I want to make you crazy, I could." I just kept my eyes closed. I couldn't get how wrong this felt out of my head. I didn't want to be there. I wanted him to stop, but he wouln't. He kept putting his hand down my pants & putting my hand on him. I kept saying to please stop, but now he wouldn't. He would before say he was so sorry when I asked him to stop, but he was getting frustrated w/ me. He was on top of me. His body was rubbing against mine. Then I felt his penis touch me & he was pushing himself into me. I tried to push him from me & begged him to stop, I didn't want to do that. I kept saying please stop, don't. He said it wouln't hurt, that I'd like it. I told him no, that I didn't want to. He pushed himself inside of me & was kissing me so hard I couldn't speak. It did hurt. I was scared. I didn't think he was going to stop. He kept saying he was sorry & like before, he told me he didn't want to make me do anything I didn't want to do. But that is what he kept doing. He stayed on top of me, inside of me, pushing harder. When he'd stop kissing me, I'd beg him to stop.

He asked me if I was scared. I didn't really answer him. I laid there w/ my head back & my eyes closed. I had tears running down my cheeks. He finally asked me if I wanted him to take himself out. I said yes, I wanted him to. I was so glad he stopped. He told me to pull my pants back up. I did. He laid next to me & put his arms around me & kissed me. I tried to just go to sleep. I was still a bit scared. But I finally fell asleep & so did he.

But the worst part is that I couldn't tell him how he made me feel. I'm not sure if he really remembers everything that happened that night. I'll never forget. He told me later after we woke up that he thinks he could fall in love w/ me very easily. I didn't tell anyone what happened. Then I saw Denise a couple days later @ my house. My brother didn't know what happened & was still friends w/ him & brought him to our house. Denise came into my room to talk to me. I couldn't even look @ him. He acted like that night was consentual. I didn't say anything about that night to him, I just wanted him to leave. I didn't want him to get mad @ me & hurt me. He gave me his phone # & told me to call him, that he wanted to see me again. As soon as he left, I threw it away, & sat down on my floor & cried. My x-b/f called me asking me about that night & told me that Denise was going around telling people that we had sex that night. I found out that the reason he did this to me was an attempt to make his x-g/f jealous enough to go back out w/ him, which didn't work in his favour. I lied to my x-b/f & told that nothing had happened because I was so ashamed & scared he &/or others wouldn't believe me. But about a week after this happened, I finally told him the truth. He believed me & has been there for me. But some of the people from our neighbourhood don't believe me, & that makes it hard. It is hard knowing that he is free & lives within a mile from me. But thankfully I've not seen him in almost a year.

I'm still fighting myself, blaming myself for this happening to me, feeling like it's my own fault. I keep thinking there is so many things I should have done differently. I've hurt myself physically, cutting myself w/ razors to dull the intense emotional pain, guilt & frustration I still feel. I don't like being touched, I can still feel his body on me. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I guess I'm hoping that writing this can help myself & anyone else who has had similar experience. Blessed Be.


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