I donít know how to start with it all over again.
I was thirteen at that time. One day one of my friends Danial at school called me at his home to have a joint study session, as the exams were on head, to which I agreed.
When I reached his house I found out that he & his elder brother Muzamil (he was around 17 at that time) were alone. I never knew that what these two brothers had planned earlier or it was a bad day in my life because after a few minutes Muzamil started to get undressed in front of me & Danial & then both of the brothers harassed & abused me they gave me a good spanking that day & after all that all finally Muzamil penetrated in me giving me a sharp pain. I started bleeding & crying but to no vain.
Finally after the episode got over they told me that if I ever told this to anybody they will murder me. I was really so much afraid that I lost the power to communicate. Then my parents unaware of this took me to a psychiatrist who after three years made me talk again.
I am still under treatment. I want to live I want to live for my Country to be served I want to live for my family & I want to live to fight against all these sexual crimes especially in Pakistan, my Motherland.
I'm 17 years old.. I never thought that it was fair exactly how quick I had to grow up.. most kids my age are out with friends... going to the mall... playing sports.. but I'm not.
I was molested by my cousin... I remember certain details.. like the smell.. and the taste.... but I don't remember the penetration. I believe the mind has a way of blocking out all that is painful...
I never really dealt with it.. I pushed it aside... I tried to forget it.. and hide it.. because I felt very.. dirty.. and used.. but it wasn't really the short-term effects that got to me...it was the long-term.
Since I was 12 years old I have had fantasies of being raped... in fact.. fantasizing about rape was the only way I could satisfy myself. Now I am very ashamed of that...
I have been trying to deal with this slowly by myself. I finally got up the courage to tell my parents about a month ago... they believe me.. but they don't support me much about it...
Basically this guy has ruined my life. I am a diagnosed depressive.. I've ran away from home... I'm into self-mutilation... I can't sleep.. Also I am attracted to guys who are abusive and rough... especially during sex... and I always end up being used and alone...
I haven't talked to a therapist... I haven't talked to a counselor.. and I probably never will. But I guess I have my own ways of dealing with it...
Just watch your children well.. treat them like a box of jewels.. never let them out of your sight... you never know what's going on in the other room...
It is so upsetting for me to read the stories of these young women, and how similar several stories are to my own.
I was vacationing in Florida with my best friend (at the time) on the senior school trip. I was a junior in high school, and remember my mother not wanting me to go. I eventually convinced her to let me go, we traveled by bus, there were a lot of kids on the trip. A lot of them were football players, and a couple of them were the girlfriends of the football players. I knew from the beginning that some of the fellows were interested in me, which at 17 I thought was "hot stuff", I also knew the girlfriends didn't like me and there was little love lost.
Our trip progressed through Georgia, Tennessee, etc., we all had a good time. When we reached our destination of Kissimee Florida we checked in. What happen to me didn't occur until the second night of our stay. On that night my best friend and I went down to the "guys" room to do a little drinking.
We didn't know that they set us up, and obviously planned to "get some," from one of us, or both of us, I'm not sure. However, once down in their room, there must have been 5 or 6 of them, we were partying along having a good time when suddenly 2 of them scooped up my girlfriend and threw her into the bathroom and locked the door. The other 3 or 4 jumped me, stuffed a pair of black socks into my mouth, and carried me down the hall to another room, where they proceeded to snatch my clothes off. I remember them wrangling' to get my jeans off, which they eventually did. All this time my screams were muffled by these socks in my mouth. Once the jeans were off the did away with my underwear, and one of the got on top of me and began raping me, I remember two of them held my legs apart and down, while one held my wrist above my head while this guy raped me.
After the first guy raped me I turned my head and saw another guy start to unzip his pants, pulling his penis out, as he walked over to the bed. I knew that he was going to raped me to. I really don't know what happened, where the strength came from. But out of nowhere, I was like a hell cat, this incredible strength surged through my body. I was able to fling them off of me, get free, and tried to run out the room. I didn't make it out before one of the caught me, and flung me back on the bed.
I remember crying, and begging them to leave me alone. Then suddenly, one of the guys said "that's enough, leave her alone." This ensued a few cross words from those who hadn't had a chance yet. But somehow the listened to this one kid, and let go back to own room, where I found a couple of the guys guarding the bathroom door, where my friend still was. I guess by the looks of me the guys got scared, or something, so the left, probably down the hall to find out what went on.
I let my friend out, she kept asking me what happened, I couldn't tell her. She asked me if they raped me, I told her no, because I was to ashamed, because she had told me earlier to stop flirting with them, and that we shouldn't have gone to their room. I knew she was right, and didn't want to face the embarrassment, and humiliation, so I kept my mouth shut.
I had to endure looking at these guys for the entire rest of the trip, knowing what the did. After we got home I didn't tell anyone, I didn't know what to think, or how to feel. I felt really dirty, and ashamed I couldn't tell my mom about it until I was grown (20 or 21), I felt that it was my fault, that I flirted with and teased them, and I got what I deserved to going to a bunch of guys room to get high and drunk.
My friend and I never discussed the incident again. She knew they raped me, but she didn't want to know that she knew. I'm glad she didn't because I'd have been too embarrassed.
That night was brief period in my life, but it has impacted my life tremendously. I healed physically, but emotionally I never dealt with it. I kept saying to my self that it was just sex, and that I am all right. But I was wrong, that one incident kept me from be able to loosen up sexually when I did settle down with my boyfriend. He knew I had been raped and has always been very sympathetic. We have since married and I am now 33 and have 3 children. There were time when I didn't want to have sex with my husband because sometimes still it feels dirty to me, or something. There have been times while making love that I cry silently and sometimes openly (when I can't control myself), this makes me wonder if I've really ever gotten over it. There are so many emotions both good and bad, and I now know that it was not my fault, and I am not, nor was not a tease, slut, whore, or any other derogatory term for a woman.