This is the first time I have written down what happened to me. I hope that it helps me to sort out my feelings about what I know happened. Most of all I'm scared of not being believed which is why I have chosen to suffer in silence.
Part of what makes it harder to accept for me is that I have no clear recollection of what happened, just hazy memories which I try to bury deep because those memories alone scare me. I'm frightened that one day I will get a clear picture of everything that went on. I guess I'm just scared generally. What really worries me is that I don't know exactly what he/they did to me.
It happened last year while I was on holiday in Ibiza. I went with my best friend and it was out first night. We had been out for about 3 hours when she complained that she didn't feel too well. I went back to the hotel with her to make sure she was ok. I tend to get a bit hyperactive and after a while I decided that I would go back out on my own. I wouldn't have done usually but I was on holiday and also I was a bit drunk from the drinking that evening.
I got to the bottom of the main street I bumped into a group of seven men. They asked me to join them. I don't know why I did to this day but it was a busy street and I didn't really believe anything bad would happen. We went to a bar about 5 minutes up the road. They brought me drinks, I remember talking to them and the music and then my mind just went completely blank.
The next memory I have is of being in a quiet but very well lit bar. I remember asking where I was and them telling me that I was in their hotel bar. I had another drink and again everything just went black. I then remember awaking to find one of the 7 men raping me. I couldn't move or talk. All I could do was lie there. I do not recall anyone else being in the room.
All I remember after that is waking up the next afternoon next to him. I was dressed apart from my knickers. He awoke and immediately became agitated and wanted me to leave. I didn't argue. I felt sick and dizzy and just wanted to go home. I didn't even immediately remember what had happened.
My friend commented about the strange bruising I had on my arms and legs but I didn't tell her anything. I felt strange, sort of hungover for days afterwards.
My immediate reaction was anger with myself for getting into such a state but it soon dawned on me that I hadn't drunk that much. The memories of that night started to come back bit by bit after that and everything fell into place.
I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to tell myself that I had wanted sex even though I knew I hadn't. I put on an act for months until a TV program triggered all those hidden feelings. Now this is the only way I can get them out.
I hope it gets better soon, because it couldn't get much worse.
Okay this is gonna be my first time telling. i am 13. and tha abuse went on from the time i was around 10 until about two months ago. tha person who abused me was a next door neighbor. i feel bad saying this but now i am afraid of white males. i don't mean to sound racist but hopefully i can get over it.
We lived in a big apartment complex. and i always went down to the basement and played. i was the only kid there except for him. he was two years older than me. i cant tell everything because i am not ready. but it started out with him introducing me to barbies. he would tell me the black barbie was me and the white ken doll was him. he told him that i was beneath him and he was better than me. and that i was to do what he told me too and if i didn't i would be punished, he would tell my mother. so much other verbal abuse went with tha sexual abuse.
He made me ashamed of who i was. he would take the ken dolls hands and have them inside of me. i just stood there in shock not wanting to make him mad because he already threatened me. that made him hard, so he would pull tha dolls pants down and pretend i was having sex with the doll. that went on for a while, until i figured it didn't arouse him anymore. so he began touching me himself. he started to examine me down there and lick me. and put his penis inside my mouth.
I cant go into the details in all of those things. when he found out i was moving he told my mother that he had a gift for me. so she allowed me into his apartment. no one was there. he raped me in his living room. he told me not to forget that. and gave me a teddy bear and some cookies. and he held me while i cried. when he took me back home he told my mom that i was crying because i was so sad to be leaving. and she even offered him to come and visit us since we had became good friends. i am not sure how i am taking this. i am still in a state of denial. i keep telling myself it never happened. but the memories are so strong. i hate him so much. there is more i wish i could tell. but i cant right now. but this has helped a little. thanx
Name Withheld
It happened 2 weeks ago. We'll call him "mike". Me and mike had roughly known each other and he had somewhat of a crush on me. We were at a party in Florida (they rented hotel rooms for all of us) and the parents had their own rooms. Mike and another guy were in my room. We were all cool with each other so i didn't expect this coming.
Mike had told this other guy to go outside(probably to keep anyone from entering. But it was about 11:00 so everyone was probably sleeping anyway.). Mike turned around and suddenly began humping me. I said "no" but he was much stronger than me so i couldn't fight back. By the time he was done i was just about ready to pass out.
He picked me up and threw me on the bed and began to take my clothes off. He told me that if i said anything he would kill me. He even showed me a knife that he was carrying with him. He took his pants off and f*cked me up the ass. I never felt such pain. The bastard!! He kept taking it out, and shoving it up again. The bed was practically wet from my tears. I think it lasted for about 20 minutes.
Then he stopped and i thought it was over but i was wrong. He shoved his "thing" up into me but this time he started to ejaculate. I was in too much of shock to do anything. The fear of being pregnant was now running back forth through my head. Finally he took "it" out. But then he came over to my other side and started to suck on my breasts(the pain was soo intense it is too hard to describe). He took his dick and shoved it down my small mouth, almost choking me to death!! Then he ejaculated again. He told me that if i didn't swallow it ,he would kill me. So i did. I will never forget that day. The day he killed me.
Lindsay
