When I was 7 years old, my uncle by marriage, raped me. I was young and useless to defend myself, and now I'm a 19 year old girl, who for years have lived this feeling of being my fault.
I always thought that it had happened because I had let him do it. He raped me, I couldn't do much about it. And I always felt like dirt, like I wasn't worth anything, after he raped me he would called names and laugh at my face. That made it worse, I have never told anyone my story because nobody on my family would believe me =( and because I don't want my parents to feel this feeling that I have carried for so many years.
I had try so many times to forget about the day but it has been impossible. It is hard when you have gone through something so horrible, but now time has gone by and I have realized how he has took advantage of me. And how I was letting him win the war by letting him believe that he had destroyed my whole life, he might have win the battle but me I have won the war by letting him know that my life keep on going that it hasn't stop there. And that like me many women in America are going to win there wars and be strong and stand up to be heard, I don't have the courage to tell this to my parents or my family but I have the courage to tell you that, we are not alone in this world, that there are thousands of women that had gone through the same thing and it happens whether we can prevent it or not.
I am a 21 year old rape survivor. I didn't see myself as one until recently even though it's only been a couple months since the attack. But because of who my attacker was (my ex-boyfriend) who is a lot bigger than I am, I now know I am a survivor because I'm not dead.
It's been hard even after I came forward, but now that I have and have filed charges, I feel like some of the power that he took from me is now coming back. I still need to fight to get my life back, but I won't stop until I do and he is stopped. Thank you for the page. I believe that people like you are just thing that every survivor needs.
It is a part of my life that I would rather forget about than to remember but if I forget about it then who will help the others that are out there in the same position. Let me start by saying that I don't think that I have really forgiven myself for being there but I have realized that it isn't my fault.
I was 8 years old the first time that this happened to me. I was walking home from a friends house while my parents were at work and a guy from down the street called me over to talk to him. I went because I knew who he was and didn't feel threatened by him. He was 17 years old and I was always taught to do what I was told and that I did. He invited me into his house to see his puppies and so I said sure and went in. We got inside and he left me alone to go upstairs for a second and I had a chance to get away but I didn't because I didn't know what he was going to do. When he came back down he had a gun and told me to get on the floor and to not say a word so I did what he said. He told me to get undressed and I did that too as I was crying and he told me to shut up and I tried I really did. When he got on me and started raping me he had the gun in my mouth and told me if I screamed or cried or anything then he was going to kill me and I tried not to cry but it hurt and I kept asking to home and that I wanted my mom and said I'll be done in a second and then you can go.
So he finished and tortured me by playing Russian roulette with his gun and saying that he was going to kill me one of the times he pulled the trigger. So I just sat there and cried while I was shaking and bleeding all over the place because he hit me with the gun and also it was of course my first time ever having sex with someone. He finally let me go but told me that if I told anyone he was going to kill my brother and then kill me so I was quiet for three years and then when my nightmares got worse I told my mom. She cried and every night I prayed that I would be good if God didn't let it happen again because I had to of been bad for something bad to have happened to me. And I started to forget about what happened.
When I was 13 years old my best friends dad molested me when I spent the night for the last time because I was moving and he didn't want me to forget about him. I spent the whole weekend with them because like I said it was the last time I was going to see her because I was moving to Wisconsin the next week. Well, he suggested that I stay the whole weekend and we said great and that was what we did. The last night I was there he waited until everyone went to sleep and came out of his room. I was the only one up watching a movie and he sat down and started watching the moving with me. Then he put his arm around me and started grabbing my breasts and I told him to stop. Well, he didn't and when I finally got up and went to bed after he was done I cried myself to sleep thinking I broke my promise to God and he was punishing me again.
Well, I waited a month to tell anyone and when it was reported he admitted to doing it but they didn't do anything about it. They let him go and I'm the one that has to live with the memories so I did the best thing I thought was best and that was forget about it myself. Well, now I have a 2 year old niece that is so sweet and I don't want this to happen to her so I have decided to speak out.