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Survivor Stories

I was raped approximately 11 months ago. I knew the guy for about three years when I decided that I didn't want to be with him anymore.

I paged his brother one night and he ended up calling me back. He asked me for a ride home and I said yes. When we got to his house I decided to go inside with him. We were drinking and we ended up in his bedroom.

We got undressed and as I stroked his penis, I felt a sore. I decided that I didn't want to have sex with him but he started asking me to perform oral sex on him. I told him that I wouldn't and he started grabbing my hair and squeezing the back of my neck and telling me to "do it". I kept saying no and then he asked me did I not want to have sex with him. I said no again and then he turned me over and then told me to just lay there and act like it felt good. He kept thrusting and squeezing my neck until he was finished and then he got up. I hurried and put my clothes on and left.

I have since pressed charges and he is listed as a sex offender in the state of Texas. I went through counseling and group therapy and try to survive this ordeal daily.

Kim Beasley

I posted my story a few months ago on this site (can be found on page 21) but I decided I needed to add something for myself.. to make it seem more real in my mind.

For a long time I have suspected that I have suffered more abuse than what I remember. I have a few PTS symptoms that I remember having long before I remember any abuse. I even have a suspect in mind. My father's youngest brother, my Uncle "John."

From the time I was tiny until I was about 11 or 12, we were unusually close and I can actually remember times I was uncomfortable being alone in the room with him, although I still cannot recall any abuse or why I was uncomfortable. For 3 years (ages 8-11) I spent almost every weekend at my paternal grandmothers where this uncle also resided and I was alone with him a lot.

I need to know if I have reason to suspect something or if I should just let it alone. Anyone with an idea or opinion is free to e-mail or ICQ me.


icq = 39716973

Hi. My name is Dan and I am a 32 year old male. My story or torment (which better describes it) started when I was 5 until about 15.

I was sexually abused my a great uncle on my dads side of the family. This person lived with my grandmother. My younger brother and I used to stay at her house once or twice a month and we slept in the living room on a sofa bed. When she went to bed and thought my brother was sleeping would come and fondle me and try to get me to touch him. It was always our "little secret". This went on and on. I tried to wake my brother or push him away but he was too strong. He used to say be a good little boy and you wont get into trouble. Then at about 9 he started performing oral sex on me. I remember the first time he did it. I thought he was "biting me". The next day at the Exhibition in Vancouver he told me it was our little secret and I should not tell anyone or I would be in trouble. Then he tried to give me a two dollar bill not to say anything. He tried to bribe me with money or candy or whatever not to say anything. He referred to what he did as "fagin out" and said everyone did it and there was nothing wrong with it. This continued on for years. I look back and wonder why I was not stronger to stand up to this scumbag.

When my father died when I was 12 this stopped for a month or so then he became more aggressive. He used to come over and offer money for a "feel". He used to bring me pornographic magazines and show me movies saying this is how the real world is. He continued on and on. Saying what would happen if I did not participate or be his "friend". On the Queen Victoria Day long weekend in May of 1981 when we were going to Victoria with my brother I would not let him try anything ( I was 13 then) in the motel he would not talk to me the next day or on the ferry ride back and he told my mom about my so called bad behavior (which to this day I do not know what it was) and I was grounded for a week.

It was then I told my mother what was going on. She questioned me every morning for 3 days. She then went and talked to this so called great uncle of mine and of course he said nothing was happening or had happened. This "reject" was waiting for me down the street when I came home from school and said I was causing unnecessary trouble and that I not HIM would be the one in trouble. I talked to my mother and she said I was a LIAR right to my face and I was wrecking the family. To her credit though she called the RCMP and social services, who interviewed my brothers and sister. He said he believed me. I went to a psychiatrist once a month and a counselor weekly who believed me. Everyone on my moms side of the family believed me but my own mother (which hurt like hell). Everyone on my Dads family did not. The sad part in a way I did love a lot of them on that side and until this day most of them won't give me the time of day.

Anyway the police said there was not enough evidence at this time to charge him with anything even though I took the lie detector test and passed. They wanted me to take it because I do not feel they believed what I had told them. Me the bloody victim who gets treated worse than the perpetrator. At this time the police did not talk to him as my mother told him he had heart trouble.

I continued going to counseling and seeing the psychiatrist for a year or so. Meanwhile my mother had a couple of the neighbors come and talk to me to see what my story was and one even said I should just forget about it and be a good son. But now I realize they were ignorant on the topic and I can see there true colors. You know this does not really happen attitude. I do not know why people are so scared to talk about this subject or believe I actually happened. I realize now the early 80's sexual abuse was a new topic or thing so to speak.

About a year later in 83 after I stopped getting help and I was 15 this uncle (who was still welcome at my moms house) came over and said my doctors were just trouble makers. Two weeks after that he came over with beer and figured I would drink it. He got mad when I would not. He tried to "cop a feel" and my youngest brother saw this and told my mom who said later on that night " I guess something happened but you should forgive and forget". My own mother refused to call the police and instead sent be back to a counselor. I told the counselor at school what happened and social services and police were called but yet again I was told "something happened" and not enough evidence to charge him. Even after talking to him. That was it between me and my mother and all we did was fight until I was 18 and moved out. I felt happier because after police talked to him I have not until this day had any contact with him.

But the whole ordeal has been draining on me. I attempted suicide twice and barley made it through the last time and still think about it to this day. That ordeal has wrecked my life, I can not keep or start relationships with females, I cant get close to anyone, I moved from Vancouver up north to get away from it all and to this day hardly talk to any relatives. I have friends but they try to be friends with me more than I do with them. I want to be happy, get married and have kids but I don't think I can as I do not trust anyone. Just go to work and come home. I have 2 dogs and 3 cats who I would rather spend time with than people. Maybe it is because deep down I know they will not hurt me and they don't criticize me or call me a liar.

It was really hard for me to write this. It took a few days and a few tears to do it and brought up a lot of frustration and anger. I still believe the average person is not to well informed or educated on this subject. In all honesty I do not know what was the hardest being molested or the way I was treated after it came out. It just boggles my mind how few convictions there are here in Canada or short jail terms for people that do this to innocent kids. This has changed my life completely. Thanks for listening.

Dan Rawlings

icq = 233958

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