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Survivor Stories

I am not sure if I even have a story.

It happened about five days ago. I was at my friend Eric's apartment and we were by ourselves. I was sick so he gave me some Tylenol and we laid down on the couch together to watch TV. We were by ourselves. I had this feeling that something was going to happen but I couldn't stop it. I know that we were kissing and I didn't want to be so I told him we had to stop.

We did stop for awhile, then he kept trying other stuff and I let him. I don't know why I let him because I didn't want him to touch me at all. Then the next thing I know he has a condom on and my pants are coming off. I told him to stop over and over again. I think that a part of me wanted to believe that he would stop. I didn't' want to have sex with him and he knew that. But then we were having sex. Or else he was having sex. I was just laying there trying to push him off of me but he had me pinned down. I kept saying "stop Eric" but he didn't . He looked down at me and he said " just let me finish". I told him "no", but he kept going. Finally I laid there.

When it was over he tried to say something like he was sorry. I don't know. I just left. I went home and went to sleep. It was the first thing that I thought of the next morning. It's funny because he called to see how I was doing. The only person I told was my ex-boyfriend. He doubted me, he kept asking me why I didn't do all this stuff I know I should have done. I didn't have any answers, because I honestly don't know why. I don't even know if what he did is rape. Then I tell myself it had to have been because I didn't want him on me and he knew that. I told him that.

It stays on my mind everyday now. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I guess the only thing I can do is wait until it goes away. In the back of my mind I know its not.

Angie


I am a 44 year old female and I just recently began remembering abuse that took place when I was very young. It is hard to accept as truth but given the information I know about the man I call "sperm donor" I am sure it must be true and so I continue on this new journey of painful, gut wrenching discovery, kicking and screaming the whole way. Life has become unbearable and I struggle to remain on the planet, at least for now. Perhaps this will change, I sure hope so, the sooner the better.

I have had memories as far back as 3 years old but I believe he began abusing me from infancy because he was a sick man. My sister's abuse stopped when I was born...coincidence? I don't think so. Like I said, he was a sick man, an alcoholic filled with rage and bitterness and it spilled over onto us all the time. He showed no mercy and he gets no mercy...not from me.

The first memory I had was of him taking me down to the cellar when I was approximately 6 yrs. old. He said he had something to show me...when I said I didn't want to go, I got yanked up by my arm and smacked and practically dragged down the stairs. I think I must have sensed danger when he asked me to go and that's why I said no. Anyway, when he got me down there he took off my clothes, laid me down on a work bench, pulled my rear to the edge of the table, slathered me in Vaseline and, well...you get the picture. When I screamed he put his hand around my throat and began to squeeze...I couldn't breathe let alone scream and I so needed to scream. I was horrified and petrified and the pain was absolutely the worse thing I ever felt, even to this day. He had split me in two, cut me in half like a slab of beef, at least that's what it felt like. In those painful, shameful, horrifying and shocking moments, my soul left my body leaving behind his demon seed to permeate every muscle fiber and cell in my body without resistance of any kind. I gave up then, it's hard not to give up now.

There were other times, although I believe that the first memory I had was the last incident to take place before my mother found the courage to leave him. It's just too bad I had to bleed before she found it. Maybe someday I will find the courage to forgive, but not today. It is very hard to forgive those who have raped, tortured and abused you...just damned hard. I am a work in progress, struggling to remain on the planet yet another day. Thank you for listening.

Peace,

DKB


Hi, one year ago I found out my 4 year old daughter was molested by a 16 year old family member. We have completed our court fight and needless to say even after court there are still family members that don't believe it ever happened. Since he is a minor we have got to keep our mouths shut about what he did so we can not tell his friends or people in his community about what he did.

The juvenile justice system need to be changed and should not protect the pivacy of sex offenders... Because he can go on as if nothing ever happened and my daughter has to live through it every day. You never know he could attend school with your children and because of those laws you don't have the right to know it.

Jennifer


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