my name is Nancy. i'm 17. i don't have that great of a home life, i ran away and figured i could hitch hike my way far from here, i didn't care what happened to me as long as i was far from here and this guy picked me up but he started hitting on me and putting his hands on me moving them up my leg, he got my pants down but i was able to get out of the car.
i came back home i wasn't gone long enough for people to realize i was gone so no one knew i ran away. I've tried to kill myself tons of times. not just for that but for other things that have happened to me. also a few months ago i was in a car accident and i hate hospitals but the paramedics told me i had to go to the hospital because i had glass from the windsheild in me.
No one was around my parents were away my family was away so i went and i was waiting for the doctor to come in, he did. he told me i had to undress i asked him for the little hospital gown and he said he needed to see my whole body because he needed to see where the glass was.
i said well the glass is probably only in my hair and face and hands because i had jeans on and a jean jacket so glass couldn't travel through all that so he said he needed to check out my chest because i hit the steering wheel and i was complaining about pain there. I told him that i was going to get a gown or he wasn't examining me.
so he gave me the gown left the room, then he came back in told me to lay down on the bed so i did and he started rubbing his hand through my hair i figured he was probably looking for pieces of glass but i had this strange feeling then he stared at me saying "your beautiful you know that has anyone ever told you your hair is so beautiful" and things like that.
i didn't know what to say, he started moving his hand down my face and started touching me and he started pulling off my underwear i said no and grabbed his hand he said don't worry i'll make u feel so much better he grabbed this needle it had stuff in it, he held it to my neck and told me that the stuff inside would kill me instantly and if i didn't do it with him he'd stick the needle in me.
he covered my mouth got his pants down i began crying, i tried to fight him but my shoulder was hurt in the car accident and my leg was hurt so i couldn't move, he was moving his other hand up and down me, he said that he hasn't lost a patient yet so i got that he had done this to others, i felt him enter me and i tried to bite his hand but couldn't.
then i got the switch turned the light on and a nurse came in about 2 minutes later. He jumped off me and told her to get out, i got up she went over to me and got me up and he grabbed her and threw her into the wall, i got out of the room and there is a secretary there that is friends with the family.
i found another doctor told him what happen, he ran in the room to help the other nurse along with security and they got my friend for me and i told her what happend and she stayed in the hospital room while another doctor examined me. that doctor is now in jail lost his doctors license.
so far only 3 people know what happened to me, that 1 nurse, my friend at the hospital and one of my best friends, no one in my family knows, the friend at the hospital has been trying to get me to tell someone in my family but i can't they didn't care about me before they won't care about me now and they would think that i made that happen for attention.
Well I don't know where to start. I've decided to write all this down to try and help me heal so let's see how this all comes out.
I'm 21 and it all started when I was about 4 with my brothers and fathers molesting me. I don't remember much but what I do remember tears me apart inside. I've been raped 2 other times before this last incident and I never dealt with my emotions. This last time happened 4 days ago on New Year's Eve in Las Vegas.
I met some guy in a bar earlier that night and I talked to him and his friends. Well my friends decided to leave me right before the countdown so I was alone. I looked around for them for like an hour and went back to the bar to drink. I somewhat blame myself because I was drinking and I didn't think.
I followed the guy up to his hotel room to get a bottle of champagne for us to all share. Right when we walked through the door he threw me on the bed and started kissing me and touching me. I thought I could handle it.
I kept saying no and I almost got him off me when 2 of his friends came into the room. Right then I started screaming and crying and kicking and fighting. Then 2 more friends came in and just stood and watched. I was raped orally, anally and vaginally by their penis and other objects in the room.
After they were done I ran out of there and back to my hotel. I blame myself for drinking and going upstairs, I blame my friends for leaving, and I blame society for creating men like this. I didn't go to the police because I was scared. I really regret that now though.
When I got home I told my ex-boyfriend what happened and I went to his house and just cried all night till I passed out. I woke up to him having sex with me and his excuse was he wanted it and I just got it by 3 guys. I don't know if I should call that rape or not also.
I'm still so trying to deal with all the emotions and not shut off like I normally do. I just hope I can make it through this.
I was 9 or 10 yrs old when it all started. My father started just touched me at first and told me that it was because he loved me. I tried telling my mother at first because I knew it was wrong and it always made me feel so uncomfortable. At first my mother didn't believe me and she asked my father about it. That was the first time I saw him get truly mad at me, he called me a liar and my mother believed him.
He kept on just touching and he made a video of him and me together where he forced me to give him oral sex. I didn't want to do anything he asked but I was so afraid after seeing him get mad like he did and he was my father I believed I had no choice. Until my mother caught him with me. She yelled and he promised never to do it again and again she believed him.
I talked with my mother and she told me that I needed to tell him "no" myself. I finally did get the courage to say no. He blew up at me and told me that he would never hug or treat me like his daughter again. I held out about a year until I couldn't stand the way he treated me anymore. I wanted the presents back and the love any love so I let him start up again.
We then moved from the town I had lived in for 13 yrs. Then he actually took my virginity away. He started to try to make me into a girlfriend rather than his daughter. Every day he would do something, even sex at least once a week. I just felt numb I let him do what he wanted and just gave up. My mother tried to commit suicide twice. My father told me that the reason for it was finding out what happened and if I was to tell her that it was still going on that she would do it again. He was jealous of me even acknowledging the presence of boys.
By then I was 15, I was sitting with some of my friends on a school trip and they started talking about things that had happened to them. I don't know why I did it, but I told what was happening to me and what had happened for over 6 yrs. One of the girls at that table told the school counselor. At first I was scared out of mind. The tears came and I couldn't hold them back. I really don't feel I was ever mad at her. All I could think of is what would my father do. Luckily, I have never come face to face with him again.
It has been nearly 3 yrs, I am now 17. He is in jail although he continues to send letters that he is not supposed to. I keep reading them though I don't really know why. Maybe it's because part of me still loves my father no matter what he did to me.
Things are certainly not perfect, I get depressed a lot and I am starting to forget a lot of my past which scares me a little. I'm afraid of him getting out and having to face him, because I know he'll search for me. Finances are awful and many times I wish I could go back to the way things were and that I had never told. I'm confused but at least I have a future now and I am trying my best to hold on. I plan to be a psychiatrist so I can help other people with their problems.
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