When I was 17 years old I went to a college party with some friends of mine. I am an occasional drinker, and I had been drinking at the party. I began to feel extremely disoriented and dizzy. I had been talking to one particular guy, and he noticed my condition and offered to take me somewhere to lay down until I felt better. He was very sweet and thoughtful. In the frame of mind that I was in at the time, I accepted his offer, thinking nothing of it.
He took me into a bedroom (at a frat house), and laid me down on the bed. I remember him coming on to me and I told him to stop, that I didn't feel very well. One of my friends came and knocked on the door, I didn't have the strength to get up, so he went outside to talk to them. I found out later that he had told my friends that I had passed out on the bed and he was letting me "sleep it off." My friends thought nothing of the situation either, seeing as how he was such a caring and thoughtful individual.
He came back in the room and started touching me again. I could struggle with him or fight him off, that was the worst thing to accept. I couldn't even defend myself against him. He kept telling me that I would feel better if I just let him do what he wanted to. He physically assaulted me when I tried to stop him or told him no. I actually passed out after he hit me several times, so I don't remember the actual rape. When I woke up my clothes were all off and he was gone. I had a terrible headache too. I got dressed, found my friends, told them that I didn't feel good and wanted to go home.
I am now almost 19 years old, and I just told my boyfriend what had happened to me. I know now that the guy at the party had slipped something into my drink. I have a hard time sleeping, often having to take sleeping pills, I am incredibly afraid of everyone, or situations where there are a lot of people around. I am a college student, and have a fear of going to parties. When my boyfriend touches me in a certain way it just sets off memories of what happened to me. This wasn't just something that happened to me, it is still happening. It's not just something that I can forget, it's something that I have to live with.
Jennifer
I don't know where to begin. I met someone that seemed really wonderful. After dating several guys that had no jobs, were irresponsible, etc. I was excited that I met "Peter" who had a job in NYC and was very success and goal oriented. We met in a bar (I am 22, he was 24). He was a friend of my ex-boyfriend, and he was really attentive, attractive, and sweet. We spent almost every day together for 2 months. He took me out, called me every night and called me "baby". Things were going very well, except that he didn't want to commit to me, but I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else- we spent every spare moment together. He had a habit of talking and flirting with other girls in front of me, but I tried not to be jealous, I knew he cared about me.
THE NIGHT
It was July 23, 1999... I will never forget that date. We had been together for 2 months and things were going great. We were not sleeping together- I told him that I wanted to know we were serious and committed and he told me he understood and it was not a problem for him. He complimented me that night, and when I went to drop him off at home that night he kissed me goodnight and asked me to come inside for a while. I wish I had just gone home, but I thought we were just going to cuddle and kiss like usual.
We started kissing, and things progressed quickly. He took off my clothes and had me perform oral sex on him, which I honestly did not mind. At this point he pushed me onto his bed and started to put himself inside of me. I told him to stop and he did. We were kissing and he started again, and again I said to stop. He asked me why and I reminded him of our previous conversations about sex.
He said "I want to be inside you" - he kept repeating that. He put himself inside me again and I started to cry. I looked away from him- he was on top of me and I could not move. He told me to stop crying and not to be a baby. He was more than half way now and I said "no Pete" and he said "I am not taking no for an answer" and I realized that I was just another goal for him and he was going to get what he wanted no matter what. I was scared so I went along with it. I did not scream or fight him physically. I just let him do what he wanted to. I told him he was hurting me- I was a virgin (waiting for Mr. Right), so he threw me around so I was on top of him and continued doing his business. He pulled out before he ejaculated, thank god. Then he told me 3 things: he saw me in his future, I just needed someone to get me over my "fear" of sex, and not to get pregnant. Then we went to sleep.
I left the next morning thinking that maybe he was right about needing someone to make me go through with it, I went home sore, took a shower and went to work. I told my friends it was consensual, although I did admit he pressured me. It was after 2 weeks of him not returning my calls that I reevaluated that night and realized what really happened. I didn't think it was rape because I wasn't held down with a knife, and I didn't struggle, and I didn't scream. but it was. I want to let others know who might doubt themselves like I did, it doesn't matter- you said no, and he didn't stop, that is all that matters- he raped you.
My friends abandoned me- they said that I was psycho and making this up because he stopped talking to me and I wanted revenge. I would never lie about something so serious as rape.
He called 2 months later because he heard thorough people I went to a doctor and said that I had not agreed to sex that night. Basically he wanted to see me and talk and I of course refused and told him to leave me alone.
I am struggling with this, I still feel guilt sometimes and incredible anger for what he took from me- not only physically but emotionally as well. I can not even date anyone right now. I started seeing a counselor and I have a great family and friends to support me, but it is still a daily struggle not to stay in bed.
Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories- and for those of you reading mine, I hope you can heal also- I'm praying for myself and every one of you- it is somewhat comforting to know other people understand.
im = fmbln2extc
It was prom night and this cute guy asked me to go. I totally didn't expect it, but I said yes. After the prom we were supposed to go to this huge party, but he had other plans. We started driving in the complete opposite direction.
When I noticed this I asked where we were going. I remember the look he gave me... it was so scary and evil. "Just sit there and shut up," I didn't know what to do, so I did just that, I sat there and shut up. Then, we began to slow down and we pulled over, right next to a forest, in the middle of nowhere.
I was about to ask what we were doing but before I knew it he was on top of me, undoing my blouse. I tried to push him off, but he was so much stronger than me that I couldn't do anything. I screamed but there was no one around to hear me. He had his way with me and then threw me into the ditch and drove off.
I was really beat up and couldn't get up to walk. I began to crawl onto the street and a car almost hit me, they stopped and asked me if I was alright but I couldn't get the energy to say anything. They drove me to the hospital. when I was feeling better I was questioned as to what had happened and I told them the story. The police came and I was questioned some more.
Finally, a court date was set. It hurt to listen to all the lies brought about by the man, who's name I won't say, but in the end, the court charged him and he went to jail. Even though this brought a little comfort to me, the pain still exists and the horrific memories I fear will never go away.
Jen Blomkvist
