My story started when I was 13. I was going out with this guy Nathan. He was 17, I thought it was sooooo cool to be going out with a older guy. My attitude had gotten out of control and my parents kicked me out. I went and lived w/ Nate in his apartment. I was there a few nights, and we just made out and stuff. I was a virgin and planned to stay that way till marriage. Well on May 7th, 2000....Nate came home and told me to come into the living room. He started yelling at me, and he had this look in his eyes taht scared me, i walked away but he pulled me down and raped me. When he was done he called me a slut told me to shower and not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I belived him because he had an awful temper. I became pregnant and he made me abort the baby. The due date was recently and I am really struggling with that. I have moved on from him, but the memories are still there.
My brother began molesting me, well, I can't really remember when. I just know it finally stopped when I was about 11, I think, as many memories are still hidden away. He was 3 years older than me and would come into my room at night. My parents could never understand why I wanted to sleep in their room. It was the only place I felt safe. I have a younger sister who I thought I was protecting but somehow that disgusting bastard got his hands on her to.
He would always make sure to threaten me if I told my parents. He was very physically abusive also. As we got older my mom and dad would leave him to babysit me and my sister. I hated that the worst. He would have the neighbor boys over and they would take turns having sex with me and other things.
I finally told my parents after a failed suicide attempt, which they blamed on my need for attention. They told me they asked him about it and he said no that nothing ever happened. The last time he touched me I told him never again or I would kill him, but by that time he had moved on to high School and college and other girls to prey on.
I am now married and have two boys of my own. Just las year I again confronted my parents about my brother, he is married and I told my mom if he ever had children I would tell his wife what he had done and do everything possible to have his children removed from his custody. She again asked my brother and he denied it then followed it up by " I don't ever want to have anything to do with her again." Good, I say the feeling is mutual.
My parents still talk to him and had he and his wife up for Christmas, it is my fault if my kids don't get their presents on Christmas day from Grandma and Grandpa. I could care less. My sister no longer speaks to me because I have upset the family balance, but I finally have some confidence in myself. I know what he did and what the other neighbor hood boys did was not my fault. Ironically my brother worked at a prison, the one place he should be. But for now I will keep on surviving and protecting my own children from people like my brother.
My story is a bit less tramatic as others that I have read (I was never raped in the true sence of the word)... at the age of nine one of the boys(DL) in my class at school started grabbing the girls by their privets. He pushed me down on the school ground and did it to me too, the 2nd time this happened I grabbed him back. My cousin (EH) told our teacher about him doing this to her, nothing was done about it.
The next time (I was 10) when something happened, it was a neighbour(PF) and he did the same thing in a play fort we used to play in. I was so hurt and confussed by these events, they felt good but I knew they were wrong. In high school, a boy (JD) I was friends with pulled me onto his lap and began rubbing my chest, for some reason this bothered me more then the other incidents. An other time a teacher (RH) said to me while we were in the library at school doing research "You bring out the animal in me!". I was so frightened by this remark. My family knew and liked this man for many years and he taught all my siblings.
These events which I agree are less tramatic than others here, have effected me in so much of my life. I felt very low self esteme and never thought I was worthy of anything, the boys I dated were much lower then the "in-crowd" and some were just plain users.
Later I went on to have an affair with a married man. His interest in me were welcomed, I believe due to a very low self esteme. He was 36 and I was 18 and his daughter was in my school too(she was 14).I know what we did was wrong, but we did fall in love and have been married now for 6 years, his wife divorced him when she found out about us. It was difficult time for all concerned, my family and his suffered greatly...fortunately they all forgave us in time and now we are the proud grand parents to a beautiful boy his daughter gave birth to in Sept'01. We unforuntatly were not able to have any children ourselves. Or rather I was unable to have any, he wasn't too upset about it, he had two kids already and was forced to marry his 1st wife when she got pregnant with his daughter back in '74. Anyway, my point is we are all effected by things that are done to us but our lives mayand can turn out in spite of the pain we endured. hugs to all, know you have a friend who understands.