My Story | Survivor Stories | Male Survivors | Resources
Safety Tips | Speaking Out | Triggering Media | The Wall
Distractions | Poetry | Guilt and Shame | Anger | Statistics
Physical Aftermath | Emotional Aftermath | Tori Amos
Relationships | Quotations | PTSD | Medications | FAQ
Books | RAINN | Articles | Message Board | Chat Room
Search Engine | Banner Exchange | Link Banners
Guestbook | Email



Survivor Stories

My story may not be like the others but it has caused me many emotional and psychological problems.

I was abused by my husband when I was pregnant with my first baby. I had gone to bed early as I was tired with being pregnant and working within a pub which we were managing.

I woke to a tremandous pain and a heavy feeling on my back. I realised that he was buggering me... I didn't cry out as I was shocked and in pain. I was also worried about my baby.

I lay there after he had finished and when he was a sleep I crept out abd locked myself in the spare bedroom. I cried all night and didn't know how I was going to face him.

The next day he was really apologetic and said he only wanted to try it and he would never do it again. Well foolishly I believed him. What an idiot as he continued to do it for the next six years. For the last year of our marriage I slept on the floor as it was the only way I could stop him hurting me as he wouldn't listen to me.

I didn't realise how much it affected me until the children tried to sllep with me and I jumped at every movement. I was even terrifed to sleep with my children.

On the day my divorce was finalised I was told that he was a child sex offender and had buggered his first wife as well as his daughter from that marriage. I felt awful and I wanted to die. I thought about my children adn wondered if they had been touched..thankfully it appears not.

I couldn't believe that i was so naive and allowed him to do it to me....

I have been alone now for seven years frightened of trusting anyone...I had therapy and counselling and it helped.

I now have realise that not all men are the same and have now found a lovely man who knows all about my past and is gentle, understanding and loving. He reassures me and listens.

There is hope and a future for me and my children now. My life is now different but my past still haunts me but it is in the past and I can with my partners help leave it there.

There is hope for all it is just a case of waiting until you are ready to trust again. You will know when you are.

I just thank God that I am now happy and not afraid of the future.

Caroline


Hi my name is Christine~ I am 37 years old, very happily married for over 17 years and have a 16yr old son.

My story is several chapters as I was raped twice in my life. Both resorted into a seven year battle of criminal investigations, internal investigations, law suits and somewhere in the recovery.

My nightmare began on June 10, 1992. It was the last day of kindergarden for my son. Just minutes before I was to leave to pick him up an old friend of mine came into my home and raped me on my living room floor.

His name is Steve. He and I dated way back in high school. We broke up and still remained friends. I got married and didn't have contact with him for almost 7 years. He had moved out of state...but in 1991 moved back in town and looked me up.

I was washing dishes on that beautiful late spring day. The door bell rang and Sadi my german sheppard was barking. I went to the door, I saw Steve, so I went and looked Sadi up in the bedrrom so she wouldn't jump all over Steve. To me he was someone I trusted, an old friend and friend of the family. I let Steve in but forgot I left the watering running in the kitchen...so while I went to turn it off he came in, shut the door and sat on the couch. I returned to the living room sitting in a chair next to the couch.

He then stood up walked over to the TV...asked me something, then walked back over to me. He stupped down in front of me, grabed the dish towel from my lap and placed it on the couch. Before I knew it he was on my trying to kiss me and pull my shirt up. I tried pushing him away telling him "No".."Please don't"...I'm only 5'3' and weigh about 105....he's 6'and all muscle very athletic. So physically..it was a loosing battle...I knew that...but still I tried fighting him with all my strength. He pulled me off the chair and down on the floor. So many things ran through my head...how having sex with another man would hurt my husband, how I didn't want to do this, how scared I was, how helpless I was.....

When he yanked me off the chair I knew it was over for me...so I tried taking myself away from there. In my mind I went on a journey...to the ocean, the blue sky, the blue waves taking me away. This worked to a point because I don't remember getting on the floor and how he got my shorts off.

I was brought back to the real world from the physical pain of when he penetrated me. I was dry...I'd never had dry sex before....It didn't last very long. I guess he came because he stopped and then took the dish towel from the couch, wiped me, put my shorts back me and helped me up. He kept mumbling something like "It happened to soon" ....I tried fixing my clothes and went to the bathroom to see myself...to see how ugly I now was. He followed me around....asking if I was alright...I told him to just leave. He left.

Christine left...never to return again.

I didn't call the police right away..It took several months to be able to do that. Only my husband and best friend knew. I then had the strength to go to the police.

Before I filed a complaint I had called the police department several times, each time hanging up because I was so afraid. Finally, I had the courage and was connected to a detective who agreed to come to my home and take the report.

The detective took my report, did his investigation. Steve took a lie detector test, failed it and ended up confessing. So although there was no evidence and I waited so long to report it...This was a 'good' case...You can't get any better evidence than a cofession. Well that's what I was repeatedly told.

But, the detective befriended me, mishandled the case, forced me to perform oral sex on him in the police station, stalked and harassed me for almost a year.

Because of the detectives misconduct the orignal rape case was never prosecuted. There was a criminal investigation done by the state police(that was a joke), then an internal investigation. I agreed to take a lie detector test for the internal investigation. I passed the lie detector test.

Internal Affairs charged the detective with various counts of misconduct. Apparently they made an agreement where if he would walk away from his job quietly he would still get his retirement....See, he had only 6 months to retire when he did this to me. But criminal charges were never brought against the detective.

I filed a law suit against him. It was during the discovery part of the law suit that these audio tapes mysteriously appeared. They were audio tapes of conversations between me and the detective. Someone(perhaps him) was taping our conversations.These tapes mean more to me than you could imagine. On these tapes you hear where he was threatening, where we discuss the 'rape(oral sex in the police department)' and how 'anything' I did was because he either coersed or threatened me.

There is more to this nightmare...But for now I am ending this..I will be back.

Thank you for listening :-)

Christine


I was 21 years when I finally decided that I had been raped for the last time. I was living with my son's father, and we didn't have the greatest relationship. He would beat me everyday, several times a day. Some may think that I was dumb for not leaving him, but I was scared of what would happen to me if I did leave. He had been forcing himself on my for quiet sometime, but still I stayed.

I will never forget the day I broke my silence. It was July 13,2000. He had come into my home uninvited (he wasn't supposed to be living with me), and he was high on methamphetamines and heroin. I had just gotten out of the hospital the day before, (I had a serious bladder infection that almost killed me). While in the hospital I found out that I was pregnant. So being the jerk that he was, he accused me of sleeping around on him.

Things turned violent, he beat me and raped me 5 times over the course of the next 12 hours. Before he left my house the next day, he had to get in 1 more beating. He pulled me off the ground by my hair and ripped out a chunk the size of a golf ball.

I called 911 after he was gone, and was rushed to the ER, and a rape kit was performed. While I was in the ER, the cops were out looking for him. There were officers from the State Police, the Sherrifs Office, a Canine Unit from a neighboring town, plus the whole police force where I live. A judge gave to police orders to "shoot him, and kill him" if he ran from them. And they drove around the town joking that they should let my brother or my dad find him first.

He was finally caught and charged with 1 count Burglary, 1 count Kidnapping (he wouldn't let me leave my bedroom), 1 count assault, 5 counts Rape in the first degree, and 1 count Attempted Murder (I was pregnant). He accepted a plea bargin for 1 count Rape in the first degree, and he is serving a 8 year and 4 month sentence. A condition of his parole will be that if he makes 1 mistake when he gets out, he will be thrown back in prison for 20 years automatically. He will be on parole for 10 years.

We have since talked, and I have forgiven him, not for him, but for myself. I cannot live the rest of my life being angry about something that I had no control over. I fought him and I fought hard. I did all I could do......It is not my fault, and it isn't anyone elses fault that they are raped. Heaven help any man that ever tries to hurt me again....because I don't think I could control my anger!!

Lisa


Tell your story.


[Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 | Page 5 | Page 6 | Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12 | Page 13 | Page 14 | Page 15 | Page 16 | Page 17 | Page 18 | Page 19 | Page 20 | Page 21 | Page 22 | Page 23 | Page 24 | Page 25 | Page 26 | Page 27 | Page 28 | Page 29 | Page 30 | Page 31 | Page 32 | Page 33 | Page 34 | Page 35 | Page 36 | Page 37 | Page 38 | Page 39 | Page 40 | Page 41 | Page 42 | Page 43 | Page 44 | Page 45 | Page 46 | Page 47 | Page 48 | Page 49 | Page 50 | Page 51 | Page 52 | Page 53 | Page 54 | Page 55 | Page 56 | Page 57 | Page 58 | Page 59 | Page 60 | Page 61 | Page 62 | Page 63 | Page 64 | Page 65 | Page 66 | Page 67 | Page 68 | Page 69 | Page 70 | Page 71 | Page 72 | Page 73 | Page 74 | Page 75 | Page 76 | Page 77 | Page 78 | Page 79 | Page 80 | Page 81 | Page 82 | Page 83 | Page 84 | Page 85 | Page 86 | Page 87 | Page 88 | Page 89 | Page 90 | Page 91 | Page 92 | Page 93 | Page 94 | Page 95 | Page 96 | Page 97 | Page 98 | Page 99 | Page 100 | Page 101 | Page 102 | Page 103 | Page 104 | Page 105 | Page 106 | Page 107 | Page 108 | Page 109 | Page 110 | Page 111 | Page 112 | Page 113 | Page 114 | Page 115 | Page 116 | Page 117 | Page 118 | Page 119 | Page 120 | Page 121 | Page 122 | Page 123 | Page 124 | Page 125 | Page 126 | Page 127 | Page 128 | Page 129 | Page 130 | Page 131 | Page 132 | Page 133 | Page 134 | Page 135 | Page 136 | Page 137 | Page 138 | Page 139 | Page 140 | Page 141 | Page 142 | Page 143 | Page 144 | Page 145 | Page 146 | Page 147 | Page 148 | Page 149 | Page 150 | Page 151 | Page 152 | Page 153 | Page 154 | Page 155 | Page 156 | Page 157 | Page 158 | Page 159 | Page 160 | Page 161 | Page 162 | Page 163 | Page 164 | Page 165 | Page 166 | Page 167 | Page 168 | Page 169 | Page 170 | Page 171 | Page 172 | Page 173 | Page 174 | Page 175 | Page 176 | Page 177 | Page 178 | Page 179 | Page 180 | Page 181 | Page 182 | Page 183 | Page 184 | Page 185 | Page 186 | Page 187]


To view the next page of stories click the image
below or use the links above to select a page.




Quotations | Message Board | Articles | [ Home | My Story | Survivor Stories | Resources | Safety Tips | The Wall | Distractions | Poetry | Guilt and Shame | Relationships | The Aftermath | Anger | Statistics | Tori Amos | Search Engine | Banner Exchange | Link Banners | Webrings | Guestbook | Email ]