The Monster In Her Room
"Why does he do these things to me? What is it that I do that is so bad? Shhh, be quiet, here he comes again."
Sitting in that crammed corner, shaking to death, a feeble girl cries to herself, hoping and praying that the monster will leave her alone or maybe someone will come home to protect her.
Then she hears it, "Honey, I am home."
Once more her mom has come home in time to save her from the relentless monster, or at least prolong the inevitable attack.
With her mom off to her second job, the frightened girl lays in bed trying to fall asleep. Out in the hallway she hears those familiar sounds. The cracking of the floor followed by the creaking of the door as it opens. The fearful girl grabs her blanket and pulls it close, closing her eyes as tightly as she can, hoping that the monster will think that she is asleep and leave her alone. However, this approach has not yet to work.
As the girl lays afraid to open her eyes, she smells the stench of beer and hears the rustle of the blankets as she feels the presence of the monster in her bed. As the monster pulls her closer the girl begins to cry, never looking at the monster as he places his hand over her face, not suffocating her, but keeping her from screaming. The helpless girl tries not to move, knowing that would only make it worse.
Laying there stiff in a pool of blood the girl cries, trying not to wake the monster. Not knowing what would happen if he woke, the little girl knows what she has to do. She takes the sheets off her bed and brings them to the sink where she washes them. Hardly tall enough to reach the sink, she pulls a chair over to stand on. Thinking to her self how much she hates that monster, she trembles. As she's getting ready to take the sheets back into her room she pauses, "What if I don't go back in there with my sheets? What if I leave them out for my mother to see, then what would he do? She would come home and find him sleeping in my bed. What would she think then? Maybe she would she that he was not all he seemed. Perhaps she would see what I have tried to tell her along."
As the sun came up that morning, the frightened girl sat waiting for her mom to come home. Fighting to keep her eyes open, she fell asleep crunched up in the corner of her room, only to wake up screaming in her own bed. Running to see what was wrong, her mother asked her if she felt better. With a look of confusion in her eyes she told her mom that she was sorry and began to cry.
"There is nothing to be sorry about, honey, little girls wet their pants all the time. Daddy told me all about it, even how he fell asleep reading you a bed time story. You should go thank him before he goes to work. He said that he was up half the night washing your sheets and trying to get you to fall asleep."
"But nothing. You go out there and give him a hug."
This is only a small part of my story but for me this is a start. The girl in the story was me 15 years ago and this is the first time I have had the nerve to share my story.
Well, it started when I was five, and was molested by a fourth grade boy. He made me crawl under his bed and take my clothes off to "play doctor." When I was naked he 'played with me' and stuck things in me, etc.
When I was fourteen, I had a little side job at a fireworks store (my sister was the manager) where I dressed as a clown, and walked around trying to get people to come to the store (mainly little kids who would influence their parents). A thirty year old man came up to me, and was talking to me, flirting with me. I never learned how to say 'no' to people, as I've always had very low self-esteem. He asked me for my phone number, so I gave him a false one. Then he asked for a hug, and I actually said "no" (big step for me!), so he grabbed me and started kissing me, and wouldn't stop, I was hitting him, and trying to get away, but he was much bigger than me. We were in broad daylight, by a bunch of stores, and people were staring, and finally my sister came out and started kicking him, and she finally pulled me away from him.
Not even two weeks later I was raped by a friend's older cousin. He dragged me into a room, and shoved his shirt under the door to jam it, and raped me. Pretended he didn't even know who I was afterwards. I didn't tell anybody at all for three years (I am 19 now), and then I told my therapist at the time (I was severely depressed, hurt myself, didn't eat, was addicted to drugs) and she told me it was no big deal, and to forget about it. That because I wasn't black and blue afterwards it wasn't rape. I hate that woman to this day.
I recently had to file a police report against some crazy guy (he's 28) who was harassing me, wouldn't stop calling or stopping by (though I told him never to come by or call again). He broke into my house one night and left a note saying "I will love you forever." I was not interested, he was an alcoholic and violent (first night I met him he beat me up, leaving me with a black eye, bruises, and a big dent/crack in the wall of my house from where my head hit when he threw me against the wall-- because I didn't want to have sex with him, later I complied because I was hurting from having the shit kicked out of me, and was scared he'd kill me), and I was scared. It's not fun being beat up, and being afraid to answer the door.
After the report he hasn't bothered me. I'm lucky. Now I volunteer at an abused kids crisis center. I still hardly ever eat, and occasionally still hurt myself, but I guess this is life.
When I was 10, I went to the movies with my best friend at the time. Because we were so young, her father came along with us. I always thought her dad was a nice guy but I was wrong.
In the middle of the movie, my friend decided to get some popcorn. When she left, her father slid into her seat next to me. He told me I was beautiful and he began to rub my leg. I felt really weird but I didn't know what to say so I stayed focused on the movie.
Anyway, after the movie my friend asked me to spend the night at her house. I said I couldn't but she told me we'd have fun. I agreed. When it was time for bed her mom and dad came and tucked us in. At about 2 a.m. I had to go to the bathroom so I got up. Unfortunately I had to use her parent's so I tiptoed in to their room.
Well just my luck, her father was up and he followed me. I was scared but he told me not to worry. He told me to go to the kitchen when Iv was finished. Well I went to the kitchen and her father was sitting there in his underwear. He asked if I ever kissed a boy before and when I said no, he told me I'll get my chance now. He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips and then he hugged me. He told me to lay on the counter so I did. There he proceeded to take off my clothes and before I knew it he began to rub my genitals. He asked me if I wanted to experience the most wonderful experience in the world. I said yes, so he climbed on top of me and raped me. I never felt such pain. I cried and screamed but he didn't stop.
When he finished he told me if I ever told anyone he'd kill me. Now, 9 years later I am the only one to know what happened to me