I guess I should start when I was in High School. My bestfriend knew these guys from school. One of which was on the basketball team. My friend was very outgoing - I was more quiet and reserved. She had taken me to a few parties after the games. I wasnt interested in anyone that I met there and never gave any indication that I was. I was quiet and didnt really say much to anyone.
I was living with my sister at the time (we were very close and when she moved out I begged my parents to let me go with her - on the condition that I didnt miss any school & that my grades did not fall). One night my friend and I went over to a male friends house and later I went home at about 10pm (it was a school night). My sister was at her boyfriends house. I was putting some laundry away when I heard a knock at the door. I asked who it was and the person just said "me". I thought it was the friend we had just visited and opened the door. I couldnt believe it - there stood the guy from the basketball team and two of his friends. All of which I never really talked to much before because I thought they were rude. I asked them what they wanted and why they were there. They never answered me but just walked in pushing me out of the way. I was pretty mad at that point but a little nervous, too. They were asking if my sister was home and I lied and said she just ran to the store and would be back soon. Then they all started to talk and laugh between themselves and I told them they would have to leave that I needed to get to bed because I had school the next day. The basketball player made some stupid remark (I dont remember what it was) and then dragged me into my bedroom. He got on top of me and started pulling off my clothes. I was fighting him and yelling "No" to him and he just kept trying to get my clothes off. His friends heard all of this and I could hear them laughing in the other room. He then told me that if I didnt hold still and let him get it over with he would call his friends into the room and have them hold me down and then they would all take turns. I was so scared I was crying and begging him to stop. He didn't. When he finished I laid there crying and he got up, got dressed, and went into the other room where his friends where and I heard them all laughing as they left. As soon as I heard the door close I ran to it and locked it (including the chain lock). I took a shower untill I heard my sister yelling for me to unlock the chain. I never told my sister what happened.
The next day after school my friend came over and I told her what had happened. She just asked me how it was. I was so mad at her and asked her if she was even listening to a word I said. I was crying and told her to leave. A few days later she went over to some house where these three guys were and had sex with all three of them. She came to my house afterwards and told me what had happened. I couldnt believe that she would do something like that after what I had told her.
Anyway, she was the only one I had told. I had a class with the basketball player and tried not to be noticed or even to look at him. He would call my name from across the room and when I would look over (to get him to stop calling me) he would make sexual guestures at me and smile. I endured that for the rest of the school year.
Sometimes I blame myself for opening that door without making sure I knew who it was. It is 15 years later now and I still think about it every day.
When I found out that my cousin had met this guy and he was asking her out I told her what had happened. She said she couldnt believe it - apparently not because she ended up dating him for a while. She had told me that she had asked him about that night and he denied raping me and said that he thought I liked him. I haven't talked to either my old friend or my cousin for quite some time now. I cant tell you who I feel more betrayed by. I just wish I could have told someone when it happened or even now and know that I would have someone to stand by me. I haven't seen the basketball player for years now - I am guessing that he moved away. I have seen his two friends that were with him that night every now and then and when I do I get the same sick feeling in me. I just want to run away and forget about it all. But if I haven't forgotten in 15 years I know I will never forget no matter how hard I try. I know now that I should have told someone so him and his friends would have been punished. But after telling my friend what happened and having her react the way she did it really made me feel more worthless then I had already felt.
I really wish I would have told someone that would have made a difference. I realize I should have kept telling what had happened untill someone did something about it.
i have read many of the stories on this site, and although mine seems less traumatic, it is still a nightmare i live with each day.
I was 19 years old at the time i was sexual assualted. it was a week before my 20th birthday. i was working at a local daycare at the time. my sister and her boyfriend also worked there. i loved my job very much. my sister and i got to work together and we had watched many of the children grow from infants to toddlers. all that changed though..within a matter of minutes.
it seemed like a normal day. i had finally gotten my children down for their naps and i started to do the daily chores of washing dishes and emptying the trash. my boss's husband was there at the time, which wasn't anything out of the ordinary because he was always there. he was your average guy. he was friendly and well liked by everyone. he made some dirty commments now and then, but everyone told me, oh thats just how he is. he had been making dirty comments and touching me for awhile, my sister and her boyfriend were aware of this and tried to keep their eye on me..and him. on this day though, everyone was conviently out of the room.
i walked in the back to empty the trash and he followed me. he was making comments and i told him to shut up. i was feeling akward and just wanted him to leave. he shut the back door to the nursery (where my sister was) so no one could hear me. he then came up behind me and starting grabbing my breats and kissing my face and neck. he then started moving his hands along my body. i was frozen with fear. i didn't know what to do. i couldn't scream. and the whole time this was happening all i was thinking about was the children who were laying 10 ft. away taking a nap. i finally pushed him away, after yelling "NO" like a hundred times. after that he still wouldn't leave me alone. finally my sister and her boyfriend came out and i tried to tell them what happened. i said, get him out of here, he's hurting me". but no one heard. the last thing he said to me was, if u tell anyone you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. after i left work that day i went home and cried and cried. it was all like a dream. and i just wanted to forget about it all. i hadn't told anyone up to this point, but i knew i had to. later that night my sister and i drove to her boyfriends house for a visit. and there in his driveway i broke down. i started crying hysterically. i finally managed to tell them. after that i went home and told my mom, which was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. all she did was cry. it broke my heart.
i went to the police the next day and filed a report. i was scared and just wanted to be left alone. i thought it was all my fault. i had to leave my job, which i loved, because of this man. he was later convicted and i went to court to testify. but when i saw him i lost it and couldn't make into the courtroom, i was so afraid. i was afraid because he had threatened to come to my house. he only lives about 2 miles away. all he got was 2 yrs probabtion. 100 hrs. community service and he was supposed to write me a letter of apology. i have yet to see that. i still live with the fear that he will come back and finish what he started. i still feel dirty and i don't trust people the way i used to. i won't go anywhere alone now either.
the worst part of this, besides losing my job, was the fact that my boss didn't believe me. she told me i was making a big deal out of nothing. her exact words - its not like he raped you or anything. real nice coming from a women who takes care of children for her job its been 7 months since the assualt. but i still think of it everyday. i still have nightmares and i still cry when i hear of another story like mine. i just hope that my story encourages other people to speak up and tell someone what has happened. don't keep it to yourself!! thank you for taking the time to read my story. feel free to email me with any comments or questions.
God bless all you survivors!!
Well I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell my story but after ready these stories I realized that I need to talk about it. I am soon to be in a courtroom facing my molester in Feb. I am scared b/c it will be the first time I have had to go and tell this to ppl that will hold my future and his fate in their hands. Well my story began when i was 11 my stepdads friend lived with my family for a while and in the time he was there he had done everything but raped me with his penis. I was so scared by age 14 that i finally broke down and told my "aunt" Lisa (his wife at the time) b/c a few years b/f i told her daughter did. Now i have to see him again in court and i don't know if i can i really need someone to help me get throught this if you can i am online alot please get in touch w/me if possible. I also have a question i am not sure if this is rape but when i was 15 i had a boyfriend who was 20 and even though i said no many times he would keep nagging until i gave in it was so bad that i hads surgery and i was not to supose to do anything for 3weeks and 3days later he begged me till i let him. Is that rape? I am 17 and very confused please help me understand my situation.