August 2001 I was raped by a guy I barely knew,I am 16yrs old, now about to turn 17 and it was only 5 months since this happened to me and this is my story.
My friends and I decided to go bowling one night at the local bowling alley to have a girls night out and just relax and have fun since we found it hard to hang out since we all had work alot.Well we were at the bowling alley and we met up with a friend of mine i knew and he was with a couple guys who I didnt know.They came over to our lane and we were talking and asked if they could bowl with us and of course I was like sure because I didnt want to be rude even if this was our girls night out. I started talking to one of his friends who I never met before. We started talking and he seemed like a decent guy and I slowly started getting interested in him, and it seemed vice versa.He needed is cigarettes which were in his car so he asked me to come for a walk with him to the parking lot to his car to get them so I did.We got to his car and he unlocked the drivers side of the car and clicked the automatic door lock unlock the rest of the doors and I just so happened to be standing by the back door behind the passenger side. His cigarettes were back there untop of the seats near the back window so he asked me to reach up and grab them for him so I did. Before I knew it he pushed me down in the backseat and got ontop of me and closed the door. He started kissing me and feeling me all over and I told him I couldnt do this because I barely knew him and I was a virgin. He just told me to shutup he hit my head off the backdoor of the car.I literally saw stars and he kept proceeding to take off my pants and I was soo much in shock that nothing was coming out of my mouth, it was like my vocal cords had been ripped out.I was squirming around and trying to break free but it seemed like the more I squirmed the madder he got and just hit me and held me down till his fingerprints were in my legs.He went inside of me and it hurt so bad.I dont remmeber much after this except crying and hyperventalating till I almost passed out.After he was done he got up and slapped me across the face and told me if i ever told anyone he would kill me. I kept quiet in fear of what people would think of me and of him finding out and coming after me. I couldnt sleep at all and when Id start to dose off Id wake up unable to break and crying. I felt helpless and in ways I still do. Finally my friends and family started to notice there was something wrong with me and Oneday I just broke down to my best friend and she was helped me through it all thank god.She took me to get checked out and have STD's and Pregnancy test done. They all came back negative.She encouraged me to tell my mom which I did 2 weeks later when i felt like I couldnt hold it in anymore and She cried and blamed herself and even doubt it thinking I dreamt it until she came to the realization her little girl had been raped and thats when she looked for revenge.It was harder telling my father because I was always his little girl who told him everything and he always tried to protect me but that time he couldnt and it killed him inside.He even went looking for the guy who raped me wanting to seriously injure him for what he had done but he had no sucsess and im happy of that because I didnt want my father to get in trouble for defending me and my rapist walk off scot free.
They begged me to go to counseling and I refuse still to this day because I feel as if I am doing ok dealing with this by myself slowly.Im still confused about things and my mom is the one who found out about this website and told me try and read and relate if I wanted and maybe it would help, and thats what I am trying to do.Hopefully this will bring me some kind of help by talking to other survivors now.
One night I was at my friend, JoAnne's, house. We had a few poeple over and we were all drinking. Everyone left except 2 boys about 20 years old that I have known for awhile. The one guy was one of my friends boyfriends, so I didnt think he would ever try anything with me. But while JoAnne and another guy went to mess with the stereo the other guy attacked me. He kept try to feel me and i kept trying to push him away while I screamed no. When I ran to the kitchen he pulled me on the ground and wouldnt let me up. he kept holding my mouth tellin me to be quiet has he fingered me. I escaped and i though if I was to sleep he would stop bothering me. So i went into JoAnnes room to sleep. The guy came in and shut the door. I remeber being so scared of him. And so aggrivated because he would not leave me alone. So he jumped on top of me and was slapping his dick on my stomach and as i screamed it made him to it more. He tried to put it in my mouth and i kept pushing him away. He told me to be quiet and that it would be quick. SO he put my hand on him I thought that if i rubbed it he would leave me alone. But when I did it made him more excited. I started to cry from being so scared. He raped me while i struggled to push him off. He was just so big i couldnt get him off of me. I gave up the struggled and just repeated saying no and crying. The other guy in the house came into the room and grabbed him off of me and left the house. JoAnne came in and just hugged me.. I never cried so much. The guy asked JoAnne if I hated him a week later, she told him never to come near me again. Everyday i have to look at his girlfriend while we walk to class while she tells me how great he is. I am only 15 years old, he is 20. He should of known better.
I was only 11 the first time I was raped. . .I went with a family friend. . .someone I thought I could trust. The only thing I truly remember from that experience is being so afraid. . .not understanding why he was hurting me. He even had the gall to walk me home after. . .as if nothing had happened.
The second happened when I was 29. Just like the first time, I was afraid. . .he had a knife, held me down, took off his pants. Told me he was going to fuck me, then kill me. I'm still not sure what made him stop. . .but like many other rapists have done he apologized. I walked home that night in a daze. . .cried the whole night.
I never told my ex what happened. In fact, this is the first time I have told anyone else. But I have survived, though scarred. you can, too.