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Survivor Stories

Hello survivors. My name is Crystal and here's my story... When I was thirteen years old, I met my real father. He seemed like a really nice and loving person. Me and my mother never got along, so I decided to go stay with my father for a while. Well after being in his house for about a month, I was raped....by him. My own father, my own flesh and blood. I was fourteen at this time. A freshman in high school.

He had me so scared to tell anyone and had my self-esteem down so low that I didn't really care to live anymore. Until I found out that I was pregnant, with his child. The rapes went on just for about a month before I found out I was pregnant. I had made up a name as to who the father of this child was. I couldn't tell my mom and still haven't. I don't think she would understand. I'll tell her eventually.

Anyways, I was told by my father to get an abortion but was scared that if I did, he would continue, so at fourteen years old, I decided to have a child. I went back to live with my mom and had my son, who is four now and is very healthy,and very smart,and very beautiful, thank God. I live a much better life now but I still have nightmares and flashbacks. I've never really talked to anyone about this. I have a boyfriend now who I have been with for about two years and I talk to him about it every now and then but I don't feel he truly understands. Of course this isn't the whole entire detailed story, but a short version. I'm twenty now and still haven't told many people about this cause I really do feel ashamed. Just imagine how I feel when people ask who my son's father is and where he is.I try to block out what happened to me, but it is kinda hard since I have it staring me in the face every day(my son). I find my son a blessing and I thank God for him and I don't know if I would even be on this earth still if it weren't for him. Well, that's the short version of my story...........

Crystal


Well, how do I begin. My name is Milagros, it means miracle in spanish. I was watching Montell Wlliams today and it was about survivors of Rape. I am so glad that this website was mentioned. I read several of the stories and they are so familar. I was raped when I was fifteen and then again when I was nineteen. It was twenty five years ago and this is the first time that I write about what happenned to me. I will start off by saying that it took twenty four years for me to realize that the rapes had deply effected me the way they did. Approximately one year go I tried to kill myself. I planned it and tried to carry it through. I was hospitalized, but I survived. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. When I was fifteen a friend of my mother raped me and took away my virginity. I was not even sure if a man could have sex with a woman if she was unconscious. I was hanging out with my girlfriend and my mother's fiend asked to hang out with us in his van and we agreed. He was 40 years old and married to a 16 year old with a baby. The last thing I thought he would ever do was rape me, I had never even kissed a boy, I was so naive. He then gave us a ride in his jeep to drop off my friend(how had two children already at 15) who lived two blocks away. It was early around 4:00pm. I thought he was driving me back around the corner to my block. He decided that he would take me for a ride to his friends house because he had an errand to run. Before he went he stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of Tango. I never had a drink of alcohol before. He then drove me about 40 minutes to his friends house and left me in the car to wait for him. He had me sit in the car and wait for him for hours. I did not know what building he went into or what apartment he was in. I had no idea where I was and I had no money to get back home. I waited and waited. I was very nervous because I was never out after 700pm. It was now 900pm. I did not know what to do. I saw the bottle he left in the car. It was now 11pm and I had been waiting for six hours in the car by myself scared to death. I opened the bottle and starting drinking it. He still did not show up and it was now after midnight.I drank the whole bottle and I had never drank before in my life. A few mintues later he showed up and I told him I wanted to go home. He took me to a hotel room and I don't know where it was. All the way there I kepted sayin NO, NO, NO, I want to go home. He took me into the hotel and as soon as he dragged me in!

I passed out. I woke up at 700 am and I was naked and he was happy. I remembered reading that a virgin bleeds when she loses her virginity and I looked at the sheets and there was a little blood. I was heart broken. I was so hurt inside a piece of me was taken away andI never got it back. When I got home my mother and friends where out of their minds looking for me. I finally showed up and they thought I was out hanging out and my mother started to freak out at me, asking how I could make her worry. She was hysterical and tried to kill herself with pills. I stopped her and she started to beat me and scratch the skin off my face. I let her until she calmed down and then I ran away. I lived in the streets and I felt worthless.

I was not able to have a normal relationship with a man. I would have sex and then never see them again. I lived like that for years and then I got pregnant with my daughter. My daughter was born premature and I was unable to care for her. Four years later I was slipped a drug in a drink and pasted out. I had become an alcoholic. I was raped for hours while I was unconscious. I woke up from my stupor to vomit and went unconscious again. I called the Police and then treated me as if I had done something wrong. I went to the hospital and it was a horrible experience. Neither rapist were arrested for their crimes. For a long time I thought that some thing was going to come out of my body that the rapist planted inside of me. That I would have some horrible disease. I never enjoyed sex or even had a single orgasm. I allowed men to abuse me mentally, physically and sexually for many many years. It wasn't until I was twenty two years old that I met my husband and we fell in love. But sex was a problem because in order for me to reach an orgasm I had to fantacize that I was fourteen and having sex with different men and they left me. I continued drinking and for twenty four years I never dealt with what the the rapes did to me.

Finally I reached the end of my rope and I tried to kill myself. I was suffering from depression and was taking medication. I took the whole bottle and then jumped out of a moving vehicle at 40 mph and did not get hurt. Then I got into my car and drove it at 80 mph into four foot wide tree. In front of the tree was a street sign. I had to hit the street sign hard enough to knock it out of my way to then plow into the tree. God saved me, the pole was severed by the front of my car bumper. The bottom half of the street pole remained o the ground and it clamped onto muffler pipe and miracously stopped my car on a dime. I was not hurt. I survived and was treated at a psychological ward.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depresion. I have been in therapy and a rape survivors support group for a year and a half. I am finally getting my life back and I believe that my Lord and Savior saved me all these years. I told my mother last year that on that dreadful day I was raped. She was so sorry and I felt better telling her because I had kept it inside for all those years. I hope that my story can help someone suffering the heartache, anguish that I did. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have three beautiful children and my daughter has given me the gift of being a grandmother. I adore my family and now it doesn't hurt my heart to talk about it as much as it used to. Every day I feel better about myself. After twenty four years I have finally learned to love myself. I stopped saying that I hate myself every day. I am lucky to be alive and I owe it all to my Lord an Saviour JESUS CHRIST. I pray the prayer of Jabez (1 Chronicles chapter 4verse10) every day. It has changed my heart and my life.

Milagros


Hi My name is Nicole I just thought I would write my story I've read many of other peoples stories and it makes me want to cry..

In the year of 1999 I was.. suppose to spend my new years with one of my ex boyfriends but he asked me to stay with him at his sisters on Dec. 29th so i thought that would be ok. So his parents came and picked me up and took me to there daughters house and that night they were smoking some oil. I wasn't I was watching tv , I'm not like that but then they talked me into smoking weed, so i thought that wasn't that bad so I did..

well that night he got on top of me and started taking my clothes off but I couldn't do anything it was like my body didn't want to move. and he raped me not once but twice. The next morning he called his parents to come and pick us up because he wanted to go drinking somewhere. So they dropped me off at my grandparents house. Just when you think nothing could get worse right... WRONG.. that night bring in the new year 2000.. I was going back home, which is a 3 hour ride. So I went to bed early, and was woken up at about 11:45pm which was nice by someone I'm really close too. Then after I did the count down I went back to sleep. I wasn't even a sleep for more then 5 minutes and they woke me up again but this time it was dark in the room. They asked for my hand. I gave him my hand ( like I said i'm really close to him) and he put it down his pants and made me touch is penis.. I freaked I told him to go away... I started to cry and fall back asleep. That morning I had to ride with him for 2 hours just him and I...

This person happen to be my uncle. When I got home a few weeks later I got the nerve to tell my mother she said nothing about it and has done nothing to this day. I have to see him every time I see my relatives... So this means I've never done anything about either thing. But I have went and got tested for anything and everything came out negative which makes me happy.

Nicole
icq: 4228472


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