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Survivor Stories

When I was 13 or 14, I remember going to a house with another young friend of mine from school, a girl. There were 4 or 5 men there, I say men because they were older, ranging from 25-30. We sat on their couch and were talking to them. Someone had some weed, which I tried for the first time after much encouragement from one of the men. He held my nose closed to keep the smoke in so I would get high but I lost it and he seemed angry and said I wasted all that good weed. Then another man, named Jim, asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, I said yes thinking this meant we would go outside and go walking. I was excited because I thought he had an interest in talking with me, and getting to know me better as a person. Instead the "walk" lead us to his bedroom, I remember it had a padlock on it which he unlocked. The next few minutes are hard to remember, but I know that he was kissing me, and I felt nervous, but couldn't say anything. He took my shirt off and was touching me. I didn't want to, I felt scared but like unable to speak. I still to this day feel this way when someone does something that is hurtful or crosses my boundaries I can't tell them, I just push the voice that says no away from me, push it down and try not to cause trouble.

Anyways. He sort of lead me to the bed and pushed me down onto it and pulled my pants off. He went inside me very quickly, and it hurt a lot because it was my first time. I just remember him pushing into me and how much it hurt, so I asked him to stop, but he did not. After maybe a minute or so, I pushed up on his chest and got him off of me. He was a very large man, maybe 300 lbs and I was only 5 foot 5 and 135 or 140, he was a lot older and stronger than me. I don't remember getting dressed or even if I did. I remember that the other men in the house also wanted to have sex with me, and I was lead into a room where I was lying on the bed and they were all touching me. It felt disgusting but I don't remember very much else. I never said anything, I never said no to them, I felt trapped and like I couldn't talk. I don't remember but maybe I smiled or did something to cause it to continue. I just wanted to be cool. I remember after, I went to use their bathroom, and there were pornographic pictures on the wall, I mean every where, and tons of dirty magazines on the floor. It was really horrifying to me to see that because before that day I had never seen any one naked outside of my family.

I am afraid now to send this, afraid they will find me. I feel very guilty and lately have been having panic attacks. Some survivor story.

Emma


I was raped in Sept. 2001 My friend and I were going up to visit her boyfriend at college. He has just recently gone back to school and it became a weekend thing for me to come with her, so she didn't have to make the trip alone. he lived with 3 other guys. I met them all briefly and didn't think much of it. We usually get there on Friday and head home on Sunday. When we would go up there being young and at college we drank a little here and there ,but nothing of rape ever crossed my mind, I was with my friends people I trusted ( so I thought).

Well one particular night a bunch of people are at the condo type house they lived in of the campus were all drinking including me and all of the roomates. Time went on and things started getting really fuzzy and I remember feeling numb. I had to go the bathroom and I remember the downstairs bathroom had no lock so I went upstairs with the intent of not being bothered. I came out of the bathroom to find one of the roomates staring at me. Before I knew what was happening he had me up against the wall and was feeling me all over. Before I could even realize what was going on I was in the bathroom and he has locked the door. He kept telling me to suck his dick, he kept saying you know you want to I didn't know what I was doing and I just wanted to get out of that bathroom so I did in hopes that I would be free. Instead he leaned me over the bathroom sink and raped me from behind. I just remember horrible pain. I was a virgin and it was very importnant to me. I was 19 at the time and had waited many years to lose my virginty to someone I loved at that loved me. Obviously that was taken from me.

Afterwards I was so confused I didn't know what to do I just pulled up my pants and got out of there. I remember before he would let me go he hugged me and told me lets not tell anyone ok. I just unlocked the door and walked out. No one was really supportive for me after the fact. a couple days later after returning home I decided to tell my mother. My mother said that I iresponsaible when I drink and now I am crying rape. I will never forget that as long as I live, almost just as bad as the rape. Even my own mother didn't believe me. Well today I am 20 and came here to tell me story in hopes then with a new age I can start a new life.

Nicole


I was Eight years old when I was raped by my Neighbor who was sixteen at the time. I was raped in a Bathroom in the laundry mat in our apartment complex.

I did not realize it was wrong until my mom found out one weeek later. she took me to our local hospital for tests they said that since it was not the same day the evidence was gone so it was my word against his. He was not punished for this. His sister who was my best friend at the time failed to say anything even though she knew the whole story.

I am 19 now and i still live with this every day of my life. About nine years ago the man that raped me was playing Russian Rulet and shot himself in the head he is now a vegetable.

I feel that since he was not punished then this is how he is being punished.

You are not alone!!!!!!!!!!

Name Withheld


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