Well, to tell you the truth i don't really remember much, but as the years have gone on, more peices of the puzzle have come together, and memories have started to come back. i don't know if you would concider it rape, but i know i didn't say yes, but i didn't know it was wrong.
When i was about 5 my mom had met a guy, that started living with us. she eventualy became pregnant and married him, he was now my step-dad. i had two older brothers that shared a room and i had my own. some of this i do remember and some of this my biological dad told me, but it is hard to remember everything from when you are young. At some point, i don't know when, i no longer slept in my room.....i slept in my mom and step-dads room. My father later told me it was because my step-father was turning my room into a work shop. But when i went to bed at night, i was sharing a bed with my step-father, my mom slept on the couch in the living room. My step-fater was an alcoholic. He came home most nights drunk and would fight with my mom, i remember everytime that happened being really scared. And i remember some nights being afraid to go to bed.
years later i would play games that my mom thought were really strange, but i didn't understand them. They were sexual games. And at a young age, not knowing they were wrong, i tried to teach them to my little brother. i thought this was normal i guess. i didn't know that what i was doing was a result of something i was taught was ok. But i guess what gets me was that my mom let this happen, she knew that my step-dad had problems, yet she left me alone with him while he was drunk. you don't know how happy i was when they got divorced.
i found out recently that my ex-stepfather was sexually abused when he was a child by an older neighbor. But that doesn't make me feel bad for him, because he knew the pain, and knew it was wrong to do the same thing to me. No one ever saw anything, that i know of, but my father even said he thought something was wrong. Now i am 20, going on 21, still haunted with not knowing the total truth. I had seen him since the divorce, he even came into my work once. I just get so angry, and scared at the same time. i just want to know, but i guess in some ways i do. I sometimes want to talk to my mom about it, but i know that would be too hard for her, since when she was a teenager, she was raped by her older brother. But i go on, knowing that what happened was not my fault at all and i have my best friend to talk to, she went through similar things. She was sexually abused by her cousin(male) and a babysitter(female), and raped by an aquaintence(male). I think it is harder for her cause she was older and remembers it all and it happened so many times. But we support each other, and when we are feeling down, we know we have each other to talk to. It does help to have someone to talk to, and i am glad i have her. I know what other people have said has helped me and i hope this helps someone else.
I don't know how to tell this story this is the first time I ever wrote...
I was 9 years old I am now 27. I was not raped I thank God for that. I was molested by my step father I want so badly to say his but I do not know if I am supposed to say his name. My Aunt Paula and Uncle Dennis were getting married. I wore a purple dress and for some reason I had a pair if purple tube socks that I loved and I wore them with my dress. My mom, step dad and my two brothers were at the reception. My mom brought us home with a baby sitter while her my step dad stayed at the reception. I had a blast with our baby sitter. She (babysitter) did my hair and put make up on me. I loved to play dress up. anyways...
Later that night I got into my pajamas the kind that was a full one piece with a zipper and slippery plastic bottoms. I was sleeping on the couch my mom took the babysitter home because my step dad was too drunk. While I was sleeping I woke up with my pajamas unzipped and my step fathers finger inside of me. I didn't know what to do. I remeber saying stop it or something and my step dad kinda slurred his words saying something like are you going to bed and zipped my pajamas back up. I was scared to death and didn't move. Then all of a sudden the couch started moving I opened my eyes and my step was behind the couch getting ready to do it again. I got up and ran to the bedroom. I jumped on the bed with my brother and got behid him (he was only 4) I was behind him and the bedroom wall wall.
My step father came in again and plopped down on the floor. I told him (quietly)to get out and get away from me. I was afraid to wake my brother up. My step dad got up and left the room. A little later my mom came home and I started crying for her. She came in the room and I told her My step dad touched me. She then went into her bedroom and started screaming at him. He didn't even wake up. My mom packed up our bags (mine and my two brothers) and we went to my grandmas.
When we were at my grandmas my mom and grandma made me tell them everything. The next day we went back to our house and I don't remember much but I remember my mom telling me something like he was drunk and he was sorry and he didn't know what he did. Till this day I still remember that night like yesterday. My mom never even got a divorce from him. She got divorced a few years later for other reasons. I just don't understand how someone could let that happen to their daughter and stay married. Everytime I hear of someone being molested I get so pset and wish that the man would get shot. One of my brothers is the real son of my step dad and he looks so much like my step dad that I I think of my step dad everytime I look at him. I know i have resentment to my brother and he doesn't even know what happen and he would never do anything likr that to anyone.
I was never really into the whole party scene, but I got some different friends and started drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. I was okay with it all at first but one night it got out of hand. I had had way to much to drink, I could hardly walk, and a guy there asked me if i wanted to have sex. I wasn't thinking clearly and made the dumb decision to do so. After that first time I said never again. Later on that night he asked me to do it again but I said no. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a secluded area and I fell over. He undid my pants and raped me. He didn't use the condom correctly and I did not have my period for 2 months after. The doctor said I most likely had a miscarrage because the next period I had was extreme. I still feel like it was my fault because I put myself in the position. I have only seen him once since, but everytime I hear his name I feel like I am going to throw up. I haven't told anyone. I'd rather it look like it's my fault then deal with it otherwise.