Hello, my name is Kate, and I am a survivor. I was first raped when I was about 4 years old by my aunt's boyfriend. He was the type that everyone liked to be around and that the whole family liked. He got along with everyone in the family, he just got along with me a little too well. I can remember how it first started, where exaclty in the house we were, who was around, what he was wearing, and how cold his hands were. I didn't know how to explain to my mom what he was doing to me everytime he saw me, everyday. I was only four years old. So I just kept it in. He kept raping me and molesting me day after day from the time I was four till the time I was twelve. By then I was still holding it in. Finally a day came that it all stopped, but it wasn't because told someone, it was because we moved.
My thoughts were, good, now it's all over. It wasn't. While my parents went through hard times, a friend of the family thought I could use someone to talk to. In the end I didn't need him, he ended up molesting me.
We moved again to save the marriage. I loved it. Far far away from anyone whose ever hurt me. Once again I was wrong. I hadn't been living in my new house on the other side of the U.S. for a year when it happened again. I stayed the night at my new best friend's house. While I was asleep I woke up to find her mom's boyfriend with his hands down my pants with his fingers in me. I had no telling how long he had been there or what he had done. I started to cry and wake my friend up but he said to just go to sleep, forget it happened and he was leaving. I layed back down and fell back asleep. He was back. This time he drug me in the othr room and told me if I screamed he would make sure it hurt even worse. He raped me.
By now I was tired of this and I was emotionally, and now physically, weak and sick. So I told my mom. She was petrifed. Then I told her everything back to when I was four. She was devastated.
To this day only my mom, older brother, and my aunt knows what happened. I can't bring myself to tell my dad yet. I am now 21 and in college and enjoying having my life back. It all stopped for good when I told my mom six years ago. Most of the hurting is gone but I still deal with it everyday. Because I held it in I now suffer from depression. It started out I couldn't hold food down and became bulheimic because my nerves were so stressed. Then I was just really shy and non-sociable. Now I have Bi-Polar disorder. I take eight different pills everyday to help me because I still struggle. I can't go to a male doctor, not even a male dentist or counselor. I deal with what happened everyday of my life.
For anyone else out there who has been in this position, please, tell someone. I don't want anyone to have togo through what I did just because they couldn't tell someone. The best way to start to get over your tragedy, is to talk to someone and LET them help you.
Wishing everyone the best and a better life,
My time being raped was augest 2001 I was only fourteen years old.
I was at a party with my friends sister and her two friends. We were all drinking and having fun. While I was at this party I would make sure I stayed around my friends because I was afraid to be left by myself because they were the only ones I knew. Well time went by and there was this guy there that was hanging out with my friends and I. He seemed really nice and he would watch over me if guys would come up and try to start a conversation with me. So I pictured him pretty much a friend. I dont remember what exactly happend between that time and the time I was raped but the next thing I knew was I was sitting in the back yard feeling sick becuase I had too much to drink. I remember my friends kept coming out and cheacking on me to make sure I was okay. The guy that I was talking to Billy came out in the back yard and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I told him no that my friends would get worried if they came out here and I wasnt anywhere to be seen. So then he said ! well then how about we walk around the pool and if your friends come out then they will see you. Exactly when they said that my friends sister walked out and made sure that I was okay. He told her that he was going to walk around the pool with me because I was feeling sick and for them to go on to bed and that he would make sure I got in okay.So since it was about almost four a clock in the morning they went to bed. So when we were supposed to go for a "walk" we didnt go around the pool. He took me to the side of the house. And he raped me. All I remember was he kissed me and I asked him what he was doing. He started to go down on me but I was on my period. I thought that the excuse would make a big difference on what he was trying to do. But it didnt he took out my tampon and unzipped his pants. I was totally in shock on what was happening. I never thought it could happen to me. I froze with disbelief and horror I didnt even have enough energy to scream for help. I remember! trying to make excuses. I told him that I was tired and I di! dnt want to do that. He then said well your going to be more tired once I am done with you. I felt there was nothing I could do. I dont think he was hard becuase he made me get on my knees to give him oral sex. As I was there and didnt know what to do because I never did that before. He started to get very upset and he was shoving my face in his private. He told me that If I did it he would leave me alone. I only wanted him to go away but he didnt. After I was done he pinned me against the wall and had sex with me. I remember asking him to at least put on a condom but he refused and said he didnt like sex that way and to just shut up. So I did what I was told. Since pinning me up against the wall wasnt working he then decided to lay me on the ground. I told him he was hurting me and I wanted him to get off and leave me alone and he acted like he didnt even hear me. So I said it again but a little bit louder and he slapped me across the face. Next thing he did was get off and! he threw my clothes at me and said that if I said anything that I would be sorry. I relized I was free. So I put my clothes on walked into the house (by this time he walked around the house and left)I went and woke up the owner of the house and brought her into the bathroom with me. She knew exactly what had happend to me. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor crying wishing I was home. She got me some warm clothes and a tampon and she held me.
I never told my parents because of the fact that I wasnt supposed to be at a party. And I felt it was my fault. I shouldnt have been there drinking and I shouldnt have even hung out with the people I was hanging out with. But now looking back on it knowing it had been five months ago I finally see that what he did was wrong. Writing this helps me to express the way I feel I can tell the whole story and I feel as if someone is actually listening. Thank you!
When I was around the ages of 8 and 9 my mother and father would leave me and my kid sister homw with my older brother. He used to bribe me with playing video games and cookies. He would finger me saying it was a "pee pee massage" and that it was completely normal, that everyone did it. I don't believe he ever full on had sex with me, but I do recall on family vacations late at night when we were under the blanket trying to fall asleep in the car he would continuously finger me. He did with my sister though, who must have been 6 or 7. I can remember glancing in from his room when i was playing games to find him on top of my sister. I don't think she has the memories but I live with them every day of my life. I have only told certain friends of mine, never to my parents, or even to my brother. He is now almost 20 and at this moment is completing the training to be a Navy Officer. I hold a grudge to him and I don't think I can ever truly forgive him.