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Survivor Stories

It has been four months since I was raped. I just found out a bad thing about my case yesterday, but I will tell about that in a minute...

I was raped on September 2, 2001, in a Taco Bell parking lot. I was there to eat, naturally, and this guy came up to my window. I didn't see him coming, he was just there. He asked me for money and it looked as though he was homeless, so I felt sorry for him. I tried to find more money, but I didn't have much. Well, I guess that made him mad because he reached into my car and stole my keys from the ignition. I tried to stop him, but he was stronger than me.

He told me to give him all of my money or he would cut me up. I didn't see a knife on him, but I didn't want to take a chance because he was really mental. I showed him that I didn't have any, and then he got really mad. He made me move over to the other side of the car, and he made me go down on him. I was so scared, I just kept thinking, "If I do this, he'll go away and leave me alone and I'll be okay". He was calling me terrible names and he kept saying things like how he had such a terrible life and how everyone had treated him so badly. HE was telling ME this, as he raped me. Isn't that terrible???

He made me let him go down on me, then he tried to rape me, but I don't think he had an erection, so he made me go down on him again. Then he raped me. I kept staring out of the car window at the streetlight and I felt so dead inside. It is hard to explain to people who haven't been through this, but I can imagine a great many of you have had that feeling.

He finished and sat there, telling me he'd rape and kill my mom and sisters if I told on him. Then he started my car. I knew that if I went anywhere with him, he would kill me, so I got out and ran. He tried to run me over with my own car.

I called the police and they caught him 2 months later. He plead guilty to 2 counts of oral copulation and one of carjacking. He was sentenced to nine years. Yesterday, I found out that he is now charged with raping and killing a disabled woman a month after he raped me. I am devastated, and I am so scared.

But the good part is that with my conviction and this, the courts say he will never get out of jail.

I am writing now to tell you that there is hope that things will get better. That probably sounds ridiculous to you now, but you will feel it too. Don't ever think that it is your fault or you deserved it. You didn't, no matter what you say to yourself. Don't ever let anyone tell you you should be over it or you should hurry your healing or hide your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do, and you shouldn't ever let anyone take that away from you. Please keep yourself safe and you will feel better.

Jenny


I wouldnt say I'm sure that I have PTSD. But,I'm almost positive. I live in fear even if it did happen in my house. I go outside and I'm scared of every single person who walks by or around me.

I was raped in may of 2000 (that almost sounds weird coming out). I had an eye injury,had alot of medication because I had a doctors appointment. I went home where my mom left me I was still on alot of medication (I had gotten hit in the eye with a screw). My mom thought it would be nice to get something for me right now I cant recall what. Anyhow, my boyfriend at the decided to come and visit me. I told him that I was gonna take a nap being that I couldnt see anyhow I wouldnt be much company I told him to watch tv.

I fell asleep I guess I really dont remember much the pain killers were pretty strong But I do remember waking up to him on top of me and trying to scream yet my voice was different my voice was muffled I guess I was half asleep and half on pills I guess. I felt I was moving in slow motion trying to move away from him I really didn't know how I know I told hom to stop and I said it at least twice, I managed to move I dont know how but I did, I fell right by my bedroom door and I really don't know where he was but i know he was in the room and coming towards me saying somethig but I dont know what, my memory fades I somehow get to the bathroom and lock the door I'm scared and I know I was saying things I just dont know what, My memory fades and I here the door slam, and i went about my day as usual and hoped it was all a dream but it wasnt I had to leave school(he went there)I changed the routes I walked around(he lives by me)

I go to counsling yet IM still lost and its hard to realize its not a dream its real but its good to know that Im not alone that someone is listening and theyre not even getting paid to do it, thanx!

Joy


I was twenty years old, had a three year old son and a husband who I thought loved me very much. One night while he was at work and I was asleep in my own bed I heard a noise in the kitchen. Without my glasses I'm pretty much blind, but sat up in bed and instantly realized the figure standing in the doorway of my bedroom was not that of my husband. Sheer terror ran through me,not only for myself but my son as well. My attacker hit me several times with a hammer, hoping to knock me out of even kill me. I fell back on my bed and he tried to suffocate me with a pillow. I laid my head sideways to be able to breathe while he took full advantage of me. Hurt yet still able to think I did not fight him. I felt lying still was my only defense at this time.

After he finished what he had come there to do I sat in my bed for what seemed hours yet were actually only minutes. When I knew it was safe to move I ran across the street to my neighbors home. They returned to my home to find my son hiding in his closet telling them mommy was yelling. I still to this day don't know how much my little boy who is now 22 actually saw or heard. After he was brought to their home the police were called and my husband was called. I was taken to our local hospital for the ever so popular rape kit. My own doctor drove over 40 miles to be there with me, knowing what effect it would have on me. I never went back to that house again. My mother and her husband packed everything up and we moved in with my mother in law.

The very next night my husband decided it was only right for him to reclaim what was his. My husband raped me the night after my initial attack. One month later I found out I was pregnant but by who I did not know and for nine months worried constantly. Thank God my baby boy looked just like my husband.

It's been 19 years and each year I celebrate my anniversary date in different ways. This year I was diagnosed with PTSD, chronic depression, pre-menopause. If this isn't enough to finish even the strongest woman off, my husband had been out of work for months and my mother was dying of cancer. The day I received a message from my sister that my mom was being read her last rights was the beginning of the end of life as I knew it. Not only was it two weeks from the date I was raped initially, and the fact that I was going through my hormonal hell but now I snapped seeing my mom dying.

No one understood then & they still don't. I ran away. Was put on several medications and was overmedicated in order to function daily. This proving fatal to my marriage to a man I love dearly, yet he cannot begin to understand why I "let" any of this effect me. As if I have a choice. I left, that's all he sees. I have asked for help from him to help me get through all of this, to help me be able to get through each year hopefully a little better than the year before, to no avail. I'm still working on it, I have faith in the love I have for him and faith in the man I married.

Autumn
im: autumn9945


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