I wasn't raped but I was molested and almost raped. At the age of 9 my dad moved out then his boss moved in right after. My family really wasnt home any way but I didnt want my dad to move out. When my new dad moved in he was always trying to become better then my dad when he showed up. Then at night he would come in and touch me and tell me not to tell or he would hurt me and my family. At the age of 9 I thought that was what he was going to do. He told me it was a game my mom knew about.
My little brother was born 2 months after all the assult started to happen. So since I didnt have a father when I was little I wanted the best for my little brother so I didnt say a word about what was going on at night while the whole house was sleeping.
At the age of 11 I moved out into my best friends house where I told her and her mom about what was going on at my house. Her mom told me I had to tell my mom when I did she asked him and he said he wouldnt do something like that to me. Since my own mom didnt believe me I didnt think any one would. I didnt tell any one.
I moved back in with my family at the age of 13 and my step dad started up agian. This time it was worse. He would come in at night and touch me just like he did before until one night he layed on top of me and forced me to kiss him. He started taking off my clothing then I kicked him in his penis three times. He slowly got off of me and told me not to tell anyone or he would kill me. Again I didnt tell anyone. When I did tell someone at the age of 14 all I wanted to do was cry.
I am now 16 and he still is not in jail. He was asked about it and he said what happen happend and he is not telling anyone because it is our bussines. Only 3 months ago I found out that he molested my two little sisters and he is still not being charged by it. I am a survivor but I still dont think I will ever changed the way I act towards men. I would like to tell all mothers, fathers, and friends IF A CHILD TELLS YOU SOMEONE TOUCHED THEM IN A BAD WAY BELIEVE THEM.
Why did u do that to me
had me crying and in need
never have i been so disrespected
but i was subjected
to anything you wanted to do
i didnt't want to and u knew
how did u see past my tears
to think that i was saying yes in your ears
then u have the nerve to look at me
smile and wink at me
i guess its our little secret now
i dont even want to go on now
to think i liked u so much
but u broke my trust
and my soul with that
i would've never thought you'd do that
making me so sad
now i dont know what to do
u just went ahead and did what u wanted to
i didnt want to and u knew
so i'll be in my little nest
thinking of how u disrespected me to the fullest
u puttingg your hands on me is what i'll remember
and then you smiled while you were
u felt that was a necesarry move
like u were cute or smooth
im depressed, stressed
because of the memories i've suppressed
u took away everything in me
especially my pride and dignity
now i know that this is supposed to be a survivors website. but i have not reached that point yet.
i'm 15. and i'm in the 10th grade.
theres not much to my story. but then again i dont even know what to call it.
i haven't told anyone yet.
a week after my 15th birthday in august i went to see a friend. we were friends. i kind of liked him. he liked me. whatever. he was 17. and very very attractive. we already knew eachother from elementary school. i thought everything would be okay. we talked a lot on the phone. i trusted him.
so i went to see him.
everything was fine. we were in his room watching t.v. i was laying down comfortably. he begins playing around with me. flirting. i'm flirting back and smiling and what not. he climbs over me and starts to kiss on my neck and lick the back of my ear. i was feeling kind of weird at that point but i did not stop him.
he began going down on me. thats is when i told him to stopo. i'm only 15. i have never been intimate with guy because i have always felt that i am too young.
he then holds my hand and pulls my pants down. i really did not know what to do. i was afraid to scream and i figured no one would hear me. his music was on very loud. he ended up getting me undressed because my pants were at my ankles. he grabbed my wrists and he buried his face in between my legs. i never thought it was possible for anyone to forece oral sex on another person but he did.
i hated it. i wanted to just die. it felt so discusting. i was moving around trying to stop him and get him offf of me but it did not work. he was having fun. he liked the fact that my body was reacting even thought i wasn't. i hate myself for that.
after he had enough of that he came up and pulled my shirt up and mouthed and licked all over my chest . everyonce in a while he would look at me and keep going. he eventually go his ***** out of his pants and continually rubbed it in between my legs. he was getting aroused by this. he stopped and positioned me to penetrate. and he did. it hurt so much. i felt as though i was bieng ripped into two.
he says "o shit" and pulls out quickly.he realized that i was a virgin and he felt bad for taking my virginity. he pulled me up and began apologizing and hugging me. i always wonder if i wasn't a vrigin would he have continued.
he held me for almost a second while i cried. then he decided to put me to my knees and make me satisfy him. he said that he had satisfied me so i had to return the favor. after that was over he drove me to my bus stop and kissed me.
i dont know what to call that? was i raped? i never thought because he only penetrated once and since he did not actually repeatedly pull in and out he was not having sex with me.
that incident has brought back so many memories for me.
i remember a time where my friends cousin took me to the back of a park and did all kinds of things. i was about 10 then. and i can't even get into that.
i also remember around for or five an indian man who lived in my apartment building. he did something to me. i cannot remember though. i remember hurting down there and crying. and him always telling my mother how pretty i was and always trying to get me to go into his apartment.
this is all too much for me too deal with. i cannot take it all. sometimes i get so angry with myself and other times i cry all day. i do not know what to do. i can't even get the words out my mouth to tell anyone. i've practiced and practiced telling someone but i can't even repeat it to myself. and then there are the dreams. of various men chasing me and raping me. or being touched by someone. i have three that occur all of the time. i just dont know what to do with myself.
i still have to see the one guy i talked about. and i get all weak when i see him. i always think he is going to grabb me up and do something to me. but he always smiles or winks or try calling me or talking to me. i just dont know.
my heart goes out to anyone who writes to this website or can even relate. i would never wish this feeling on anyone.
i know i am not a survivor but if someone can write me please do. above is apoem i wrote. everysince the incident all that i have been doing is writing.
My story starts when I was about eight. I was alone with my babysitter a man he was 20 at the time. Well my parents left for a party with some friends so they called him (I won't use his real name.) He came and we watched t.v for about two hours then he asked if I would like to watch a movie. He popped the movie in and sat in the chair he asked if I would like to come sit with him and of course I ran and jumped in his lap. About ten or 20 mins. in to the movie he started to touch my inner thigh I wiggled away a little but he pulled me back he told me it was ok it was his way of showing that he liked me. Well he would do that from time to time then he stopped the movie and toke off my clothes. Well as you could already tell he raped me this went on till I was 15 cause my parents would drop me off at his house so they could go on trips alone. They dropped me off and he did his rutine and the toke me home well. Two days before a trip I asked if I could stay home alone it was only for three days they said ok. Well I'm 16 now with a year old daugther. My rapist was convicted and will be out in 20 and he gave up all parental rights to my daughter. By the time he's out we'll be far far away.