Hello. After reading thru many of the stories here I decided maybe it would be good for me to try and tell mine. I have two reasons for deciding to tell what happened to me. The first is to support the people here who had the courage to tell what happened to them and the second is for myself, so that I can show myself I have the courage to admit it, face it and begin to deal with it.
I am 16 years old and It has been 8 weeks since I was attacked. I live in a great neighborhood with my mom. My dad died when I was 7 years old. 8 weeks ago my mom was on one of her many business trips to Florida, not long, she was only going for 2 days. It was about 8 pm at night and I was sitting in the living room watching tv. Someone rang my doorbell, it never even crossed my mind to look and see who it was because where I live things like rapes, and robberies don’t exist. My only thought was “who the heck could that be?” I jumped up and opened the door. I could never have known how much my life was about to change. I remember getting the word “hello” out when all of a sudden I felt the door slamming into my face. The next thing I felt was a fist crashing into my stomach and taking all of the air out of me. Laying on the floor curled up in total pain I looked up to see a total stranger over me with total rage in his eyes. He started slapping my face extremely hard and then grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to my feet. At this point I was in total and complete shock, fear, and panic. I remember screaming “whats wrong? What did I do?” I know he was saying things back but I have no clue what it was. Holding me by my hair he pulled me towards the front door, closed it and locked it. He then pulled me along up my stairs and to my room. He then slapped my face many more times. At this point I no longer felt the pain on my face, my fear was all I could feel. He pushed me onto my bed and continued slapping my face, I felt him grab my arms and tie them together and then to the top part of my bed.
I layed there crying uncontrollably wondering what is it going to be like to die. I felt his hands, they were very cold, pulling at my pajamas, before I knew it I was naked. I was screaming for him to stop, I was screaming for my mom, I was screaming for my life. There, in my own house, in my own room, he repeatedly attacked me. I can still see him pulling his pants down and climbing on top of me. I can still fell his weight on me and I can still feel the pain of him pushing his way into me. Over the course of the next 4 hours or so he repeatedly attacked me vaginally, orally and anally. I remember him grabbing my ankles and twisting them till I was on my stomache, I thought this is it, im going to be shot in the back. I clenched my eyes closed waiting for it to happen, sometimes I think it would have been better had he shot me instead of what was. I felt his hands on my backside, I felt him spreading my backside and the next thing I felt was a pain so unbearable I can not describe it. He did not care about my pain, he did not care that he didn’t know me, he did not care about my screams and pleading with him to stop, he didn’t care about anything. The pain from the anal attack made me defecate on myself and in the bed, he used that to further degrade, humiliate and hurt me. I can not go over every detail as it is still to painful for me.
I have one question: WHY? WHY ME? Why would this man who didn’t even know me want to cause me such pain? Why would a person want to hurt, degrade, humiliate and torture another human being??? I know I will never be the same. I don’t know if I will ever be able to cope or move on but I am trying my hardest. My mom is very supportive. Someone said to me, “we don’t chose to be victims, but we can choose to be SURVIVORS”. I am choosing to SURVIVE this. He took so much from me, he will not take anymore. Posting my story here is a big step towards being a survivor and NOT a victim. To everyone else here who posted their nightmare, thank you. You gave me the courage to post mine, and that’s a big step.
I was raped only three weeks ago,I find it hard to believe sometimes,but reality ALWAYS finds it's way back.I dont know my attacker and maybe never will,in away maybe thats good,I may never see him again,but no matter how hard I try he will always be apart of me,like a BAD smell under my skin and no matter how many showers I may have he will ALWAYS be there.
Saturday 24th of november 2001,I was all hyped up and ready to party with my mates,Sometimes I look back and wish I would of listened to my boyfriend who told me not to go out,but me being the stubborn person that I am,just would'nt listen.
I was getting ready at my mates house we were both very excited and looking forward to our night out.When we got to the club we were both abit tipsy due to having a few drinks before leaving out,but still I knew what I was doing.later on in the night I lost my mate, so I driffted of to the bar,thats where I saw him, at the time I didnt know who he was or what he was capable of doing,in fact I thought he was rather attractive.He walked over to me and offered me a drink at first I said no,but he was very persistent so in the end I gave in to him,after he bought me a drink I siad thank you and walked off and started to dance.
30 mins later I started to feel abit dizzy and sick,so I went outside for a breath of fresh air,not prepared or ready for what was about to happen to me next.The same guy who bought me the drink followed me up the road,I sat down and he sat next to me,I was abit emotional and very tearful,I quess I had to much to drink and all my troubles came pouring out,he was very understanding and conciderate of my feelings,that was until he put his arm around me and I turned him away,thats when his attituded changed,he became very aggresive and violent towards,I tried to pull away but he was too srong,he draggged me towards him and said "If I was you I would be a good girl or else you wont be coming out alive,so be good and I wont kill you" I was so scared didnt know what to do didnt no what to say.I cant rememeber certain things because I kept falling in out of conscienous.
I remember him dragging me into the bushes and throwing me on to the floor,next my trousers are off and his pulling at my knees trying to force my legs open,I tried but was not strong enough,his licking me,licking my face,his inside me hurting me making me feel dirty and cheap.I called my boyfriend but he didnt come I screamed but no body heard me.I must of fell out of conscienous again I woke up to see him standing above me laughing,Before he made sure he wiped the exess seaman on my arms the rest was on my stomach and maybe inside me, He zipped himself up and said"nobody will believe you , Because you are nothing but a cheap slut, and a vonrible young girl"spat on me then left.I got the rest of my clothes on and then went back inside the club as if nothing had happend i think maybe this was because I felt that I was a sleep and it was all a bad dream.IT WASNT.....
I had come to this site many times before in attempt to understand what some of my friends were going through who had been raped. I never completely understood until now.
I'm a freshmen in college. This semester has been both very hard and so much fun. Unfortunately, it's ending hard.
When I first came to school, I joined the Martial Arts club. I had been doing Martial Arts two years prior to college and hoped to continue my training. Well, I met this guy there. We'll call him Brian. Well, right from the start Brian and I flirted constantly. I started to really like him too. Toward the end of the semester we started to share things. More so, he opened up to me then the reverse. Anyway, one night the club decided to go out, celebrating our end of the semester success. We went to a club downtown and had tons of fun. I had only gotten two hours of sleep and was definitly paying for it the next day.
Well, I called Brian to see how he was, and I asked if I could come over and sleep. I hate being alone sleeping. I felt safe with him. Anyway, he picked me up and we went to his apartment. His roommate was not there. He turned on the TV, while I fell asleep on the couch. I felt like I was dreaming, and I kept saying "No, Brian. . . No." very softy, and he would say "Shh. Shh. Relax. It's okay." I was so tired, it felt like a huge weight was keeping me asleep. I felt drugged off of codine, like when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. But, I knew he hadn't drugged me. I woke up about an hour later, and he was still on top of me, and I got so afraid, that I sat right up. He acted concerened and said "Had a nice nap?" I started looking around at myself. My legs hurt, and I could tell I was bleeding. I wanted to get up to clean up, but he wouldn't let me go. I started screaming then. "No. . . No!! This didn;t happen! No!" I was totally scared and freaking out. He wouldn't let me go, and just held me and said it was alright. He said he used a condom so I wouldn't get anything. At that moment, I knew I couldn't do anything about it. Even if I was going to report it, they would have no proof. I laid in his arms for a long time, too shocked to move.
I was calmed down, and he said to sleep it off. I fell back asleep. I was so exhausted. I woke up again, and he was on top of me. I begged him please to not do this. He said to just relax and it would be okay. That's when I started fighting him, and hitting him. He is much bigger then me, and I tried to do moves that we had learned in Martial Arts. Unfortunately, he knew those moves too, because he was there when they were taught. (We even learned one where you could get the attacker off you if he had you pinned down.) Nothing worked, and I just tried to bargain with him, and beg him. He put his hand over my mouth when he entered me, and I tried not to make any noise. He said I was a good girl, and to just relax. When he finsihed, he started joking around and told me to get up. When I wouldn't he started hitting me. Not very hard, but still. Then I got up and hit him in the groin. He tackled me, and pinnned me down, and I thought he was going to rape me again.
Instead he said that if I told anyone at club, that he would hurt me. So, he laid me back down on the couch and said "Sleep it off." I slept again, and around 8 he took me home to my dorm. Luckily my roommate had already left for her boyfriend's, so she wasn't there. I didn't shower. I was so emotional, and I just thought "No, if you shower, it's going to ruin something. Just sleep, and decide tomorrow." So, I did that. I slept and woke up the next morning, told my boyfriend (we're long distance) and he was very upset. He advised me to report it, but I took a shower anyway. I couldn't stand it anymore.
It's been a couple weeks since I was raped, and I am going to go to a group here on campus that they're starting for girls who've been a victim of sexual assault. So, we'll see how that goes. I need to start the healing process somewhere, don't I?