It's been only 12 hours since I was raped (the latest in a series of sexual abuses I have endured) but I needed to tell my story to someone, somewhere. And I decided that Lis' wonderful site is the most appropriate place to do it.
I attended a reunion this morning for my friends in the High School drama club (I'm in college now)...It was pretty early because some folks had things they needed to do. We checked into an inn, and as we did that, a guy (from drama club) showed up when I did not expect him to at all. We have a bad history together....basically, he tried to rape me five years earlier. We all went to breakfast at the Chinese place across the street. Then we were going to go swimming. I had just changed into my swimsuit. That's when he pulled me aside.
"I have a knife", he said, "you're coming with me." He dragged me along, across the inn...we stopped in front of a room. He pulled out a set of keys, unlocked the door and pushed me in. That moment, and when I saw the rope and roll of duct tape, I knew this was all premediated. He planned to rape someone...maybe not me but someone. He rented a room, he bought supplies...he planned the whole goddamn thing.
I tried to break away but I couldn't. He tied my hands behind me and gagged me with the duct tape. Getting my clothes off was easy for him cause I was only wearing a swimsuit. And then he got inside me. All the time he was alternating saying things you'd say to a girlfriend, like, "your hair, it's so soft", and racial epithets like like "you spic whore" "you Indian baby machine, it's a pity the American army forgot to massacre your ancestors" and "I bet your grandpa was a terrorist in the name of Islam, you f***ing Arabs are all alike" attacking every part of my heritage...I cried the whole time...because I couldn't believe this was happening again, and that he was "finishing the job", like he said he would.
He burned me with his cigarette...I made enough noise after that apparently that he got scared and let me go...
Tuesday I learn if I'm pregnant or have STD's...I'm trying to keep my head above water...
I know im not in the right place but i would like to tell my story. 1st i am a 19 year old male who always have flash backs of what happen when i was kid. At the age of 4 or so . before i went to school i use to spend lots of time with my grandfather.
My grandfather was the only male figure in the house when my mother and father went to work during the days. My grandmother slept alot and did the cleaning around. This made more time for me to spend time with my grandfather whos job was to keep a good eye on me. And he did so. The biggest flash back that alway haunt me was when i was on the couch taking in the sun rays from the big window. It was such a nice day with big white clouds in the sky. Until my grandfather came up stairs. He was just snooping around the house and sat by me. Which of course i rest my head on his lap talking to him .
Then he told me to sit up in which i did because i thought where going to do somthing fun . But instead he put his hand on me . Where at 1st thought he was just resting his hand until i saw he was playing with me. I dindt know what to do so i did the same back. This flash back keeps coming back to me like some type of bad dream. At 1st i thought it was a dream.
My sister knew what happen and told my mother who told me grandfather cant touch me anymore no matter what.
Around the age of 10 i knew what happen to me. I was molested by my grandfather. And knew he did it more to me when i was sleeping in my room. At the end i don;t know how to get these images out of my mind. They keep on flashing in front of me each time i hear rape or molestering.
I feel mad at 1st that i didnt stop him and went along with it . But when years go by im not as much mad but still mad. Also I do not know how to stop these flash back that are so cloudy to me. I hope by writing about this the flash backs would stop.
p.s sorry about the miss spell but im not going to read what i just wrote. it hurts me.
Hello, well I was a young boy. And I was touched by my fathers brother. And this went on for a long time. I'm a gay man, proud of my sexuality, happily in a relationship, nice house, job etc. Reading the stories tonight make me feel, strange, my old felings are back. Dirty guilty. But; one of the recollections have returned my mind back to how I was and how I am. As a child, I had a fascination for stationery (spelt right?) and my uncle used to buy me books etc. all I had to do was suck his penis, 5 times for a book, 7 times for a pen, you can work out the rest. Well this went on until I was 17, I was told, it was the "facts of life" and all uncles where giving advce to my friends, bizarly! I asked a friend at school when I was eleven, he said he was having the same and I performed oral sex on him to practice. To cut a ong story short, my heads better, I drink far too much, my boyfriend is great. My sexual abuse was sexual abuse, I've beat myself up over, why did i! t happen, why I enjoyed some of it. What I have understood is, it is abuse and part of my develoment has interfered with. aI will always have this with me. It is hard because it has left me a bit strange in the sex department, either I'm full on for it, or don't bother. But, now I;m in charge. and, my revenge on him , if it be revenge, last time I met him, well, you guess, but that was 5 years ago, I need to tell him. This has helped me, hopefully it will help you.