My first experience with sexual abuse is nothing in comparison with what so many of you have endured. I was 11, at the time, playing in my backyard with my kitten, Leo. I heard a whistle and looked up. In the window in the house across the street, a man stood with his white shorts down around his knees. I could see his genitals. He masturbated in front of me. It was like I was paralyzed. I knew what I was watching was wrong, but, I couldn't leave, or avert my eyes! After that I couldn't sleep well, wouldn't go to the backyard, and freaked out at the sight of naked men. I know there were other victims. Later on, my grandfather's sister's husband, (I prefer to describe him in the most remote terms possible) molested me. He'd kiss me too much, wouldn't let me go, brushed up against me, and made me touch him. And then of course, there are the small sexual abuses I've endured day to day, every once in a while, but I won't list those...
Childhood down the drain you can say!
No heard my cries at night!
No one taught me right and wrong..
I was just 6 years old and my stepfather sexually molested me until I was 16 years old. My mother was in her own world never saw or heard any evil.
I was all alone in his cold cold world. He had so many roles to play: dad, friend, lover, abuser, too many... He gave me my 1st kiss, 1st touch, 1st show. Destroyed me in so many ways. He wouldn't let me have any friends. He would not let me walk any where alone even if it is the corner store. I couldn't go my brother who were 3 yrs. younger then me went for me. My brother walked me to high school and they were in elementary school. He would not let me look out the window. Or sleep over any relatives houses or even visit them with my mom. I was in prison for 11 years and I still feel like I am in prison. He striped me from head to toe and made me lay there and open my legs while he fondled me and poked me all over. He told me I would have his child when I started menstruating. He beat me all the time and my mother always defended him. He pulled me by the hair and dragged me across the kitchen and living room. He called me a whore, bitch,etc.... My life has no end. He has been in jail since 96" and now he will be getting out 8/02. He was supposed to have 10 years. He denied parole last year so I didn't get to battle my right to leave him in jail. Now my lawyer says that he automatically will be out 8/02 and there is nothing I can do....
What can I do ???
I am going on 22 in dec, I have a 2 yr. old daughter ..
Tell me why shouldn't I fear my life.
He disobeyed a restraining order when he got out on bail in 1996. He stalked me for 2 days and laughed at me and called my name out. I know he will do it again....
Please help me...
Today i have been suffering with my mestruation. body and soul. Last time i had my periods i was raped. Date rape. Since a young girl i have had abuse put upon me.. Though i survived and wriggled out of most situations before they actually got to rape me. Since young i tried to make myself less attractive.
I even got rid of my beautiful bust cos i couldnt walk anywhere without being stopped.
A few years back i had a nervous breakdown and im recovering surely but slowly..
And i have being learning to look after myself more, my bust is coming back and also my good looks which i had covered with acne. I started going out for appettizers with two girl friends,(i had a few phobias about leaving the house)This bar we went to was really friendly. A family place. Everbody knew everybody. I felt safe there, though i always went home before dark cos i also tire very easily being of the breakdown i had.
Month ago my friend introduces this fella, i dont want to know him, dont ask me why maybe INSTINCT but as most things frighten me i just thought i was over-reacting. Then the telephone calls, my friend begs me to go out with this man.. I give in,
A week later he offers me a drink in this bar, everyone is nice as usual, but this man gives me strange feelings.. we dont talk others around us talk. i cant look him in the eye..but i dont feel frightened. The resturant is near, 20 meters.
i get on his scooter, its silly the resturant is across the road. i dont like scooters but obey and we arrive in a second. Eaten and paid he insists i get on the bike again, so i did and and and he drove right past the bar, i said where u going, he said a little town near here. There was a big famous bar in that town so i thought he wanted to go there to chat in private,(we had eaten with his friends so we had'nt talked at all)
Instead he took me to the woods, he had this horrible shack, At first i was angry, then he dragged me into shack, i was terrified, i pleaded but he was completly gone in the head. From 9pm to 3am i couldnt get through to him. Then he started being nice and took me back to my car. he wanted to marry me next day. He phoned me insistently, got my friends to help him, walked in my house continually. It took me 2 weeks to realise he raped me.. ive been to the doctors, but i cant go to the police. reasons...
i pity him yyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkk i let him follow me for a week before getting the courage to tell him to leave me alone... you cant have a relationiship with a man who rapes you. im very lonely,...but i prefer it now.. the price is too high for a bit of company.. Im 44 years old...when will this Sex thing end.. I want to age with Grace and not just survival..