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Survivor Stories

I was raped when I was a very young girl. My babysitter was a man and he would babysit me and my little brother. he said that he wanted to play house. he locked my brother in the closet because he said that he was being a bad little boy(He was supposed to be the son). then he came into my room and locked the door(Iwas the wife). he told me to lay on the bed. he said that he wanted to have another baby. he asked me if I knew how babies were born and when I said no he told me that he was going to teach me how they were born. he pulled off all of my clothes and was licking my entire body..when I started too squeal he told me that he would kill me if i made any noises so I was quiet. then he took off his pants and told me to turn around and kneel on my hands and knees like a doggie. i didn't know what was going on b/c i was only five.pretty soon I felt his tongue in my vagina and he said that this was to get me wet for what he was aboutto do then he got ontop of me and shoved his very large penis into my tiny vagina. I remember him taking out a penknife because i had begun to scream very loudly. i held my shrieks inside of me in fear of my life. since my vagina was so small it was hard to get his penis in so he shoved as hard as he could. the pain was so intense that i couldn't take it. I screamed. then he puunched me as hard as possible on my back and i was unconscious. when I woke up, i was in so much pain.he was still f---ing me. then he took it out and told me toturn over. then he shoved his penis into my mouth and made me swallow so i did. then he made me go into the position i was in before and he svoved his penis into me again. soonn(Which to me seemed like an eternity)he got off of me and turned me over then he licked me once more. finally he picked up something(I couldn't see what it was because iii as a little dizzy from everything) and hit me over the head and i fell unconscious.

when i woke up once more i was in the car. my babysitter was driving and my brother was in the fornt seat and i was laying down in the back. the babysitter had told my brother that I had fallen down the stairs and I went to the hospital. i was so scared when my mom arrived. what would I tell her? he had told me what he had told my brother and I repeated it to my mother. that night I couldn't sleep so I went into my mothers room and burst into tears and told her the entire story. she fired the babysitter and put me into therapy. I haven't heard from him since. i think that it is an extreme cirme to put a young girl through that sort of pain.

when I was younger i used to believe that therewas a little island in the sky that i called star island i used to talk to the people on the island for help. as i grew older i began to grow out of that silly idea but sometimes i still talk to the sky at night and it makes me feel better. i hope that it will help other girls in the future. goodbye. if you wish to contact me feel free to.


When my mother remarried, She married Mike. Mike was so sweet and trustworthy. He lived on a farm and we moved in there. He would always let me ride his horses and feed them. One day while my mom was at work, he took off all his clothes and told me to do the same. He just kept saying "Come on it feels good, just try it." I trusted him.

So after the third day he dragged me into the stable and ripped off my clothes. Being 12 and going through puberty he started feeling and examining me. he told me that I was coming along nicley and it was time to "feel heaven". So he pushed me to the floor and held me there. I started to scream, so he shoved one of his sweaty, smelly socks in my mouth. I can still remember the horror, the taste lying there praying. Trying to prtened that this was a dream, that it's not happnening, trying to be somewhere else.

Then, from under the hay stack, he pulled out some kind of cream. He rubbed it on his penis and told me it was "slidey cream". Then I closed my eyes shut and he told me to keep them open. He wanted to see the "plesure" in my eyes. He put himslef in me and it hurt like hell. He was making me beed, and I spit out his sock. I started screaming loud, but then he shoved back in, almost agging me and told me that if I did that again he would kill me.

After he was done, he put his clothes back on and left the stable. I layed on the ground trying to pull myself together, and still am. I used the hose in the stable to wash myself off and I stayed Up in the loft until my mom came home. She still doesn't know what's wrong, and me, now 18 is climbing the wall to recovery. Thnk you, God, you never left me, i left you.


My sexual abuse history is long and sorted. It began when I was in the 3rd grade. My cousin would babysit for me and he began touching me and eventually forced me to perform oral sex on him. Later the abuse escalted and included some really strange stuff but he never had actual intercourse with me.

Then when I was a freshman in high school this guy began stalking me. He would come up behind me and grab my butt, or sit behind me while we watched videos in class and put his hand up my skirt. I was worried and I told some friends and they got me to talk to a school counselor. I told them that he was grabbing me but I wasn't giving them all the details so no real action was ever taken, at least I don't think so. But he kept following me around and when he would see me in the halls he would try to touch me. I never thought he would attack me in a bathroom but he did. I had to stay after really late for a rehearsal, he was on the basketball team and he followed me into a bathroom and raped me while he choked me and hit my head against the floor. Afterwards I was in a panic, I had been gone from the rehersal for a long time and people must be wondering were I was. I made up a really lame excuse about comming down with the flu and went home. I spent the rest of the year getting death threats from him.

When I went to college I figured I had left all of this mess behind me but during my second year I had moved into a house in a rural area about 15 miles away from my university. One night I was at home alone and I heard something at the door, my dog was barking so I started to get up, I figured it was my best friend, she was over at the house all the time. When I got within six feet of the front door my dog turned suddenly and I heard the back door crash in. I froze for a second and saw two men standing in my kitchen. My dog attacked one man and got him on the ground but the other man grabbed me, held a knife to my throat and told me to get the dog under control otherwise he would shoot him.

They made me put my dog in the bathroom. Then they forced me into the bedroom and forced me to give them oral sex. But then I guess they figured I didn't live alone so they tied my hands behind my back and put a pillow case over my head and put a gag in my mouth. They put me in MY OWN CAR and drove for about 10 min. Upshot of the deal I spent some time as a hostage with these guys, they had fun raping and torturing me. I got away. I couldn't touch anyone for any reason at all for a solid year. When I was in the hospital they would give me medication in the middle of the night and I would wake up and scream, once I hit one of the doctors b/c I got scared.

It's three years later now, I'm a clinical psychology grad student, in a stable relationship living about 1,000 miles from where I was abducted. I went through a near fatal suicide attempt, and a phase where I wore only sweats and baggy clothes. I have battled and will continue to battle anorexia, my eating dissorder has been the hardest thing to get rid of! The overwhelming urge to self mutilate lingers but is fading into the background. My startle response is much more under control now, at least I can make it through a day without diving for cover when I hear a loud noise.


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