My Story, it seems like such an odd thing to ask someone to tell, as if it's fiction. I guess for me the surrealness of what happened to me make that part make sense.
I am twenty-one, three years and 8 days ago I was raped. While camping with my friends we met up with some guys camped out across the road from us. They invited us to a fire at their campsite that evening and I can still remember getting ready to go, putting on makeup, doing my hair looking into the mirror. It's the last time I saw myself.
I had two drinks throughout the evening but it took me so long to drink the second one that the guy I was sitting beside asked me if I wanted some ice 'cause my drink was warm. I let him take my drink, he was gone for a while and after I finished the drink I felt disoriented, super drunk and the rest of the evening is comes in pieces. Walking to the bathroom, riding around in a truck and him walking with me to my site. I felt so tired, I just wanted to sleep. He kept trying to come into the tent and I kept saying no. Next thing he was ontop of me and in me. I tried telling him to stop but couldn't get him to. After he was done he slapped me on the ass and left.
Since then I've fought with bulimia, and most recently depression. I've started to heal with the help of family, friends and counsellors. I've found comfort in other survivors, strength in women's rights and feminism but am still picking up the pieces.... My Story: I'M A SURVIVOR!
Hi I've posted here a few times you can find my story on pages 54 and on 91 I think. Well the most recent parts of it at least.
I never have worked on talking about the real past that bothers me that is. Well here goes nothing.
I was 11 years old and my sister is 4 years older and was dating the next door neighbor who was a year younger than her. I think that he was about 15 at the time though so I may be wrong on the ages just bear with me ok. Anyway, my sister was always very promiscuous so it wasn't a surprise that she was already having sex.
I was always a very quite child and did not make friends easily I had been physically abused by my father since I was about 4 years old and so I was not real confident in how anyone felt about me I guess.
I think that I'm rambling a bit so just hang on ok.
Anyway, my sister had been going out with this guy (T) and had been hanging out with him and his 2 friends, (B) and (M), and she had been having sex with all three for a while I know. Usually when this was going on I would leave the house and go to the park or outside with my cats and do stuff away from the house. My parents both worked so there was no way that they knew what was going on.
Well I know that my sister always had a problem with me though I don't really know why. I was always the good kid I guess, I got real good grades and didn't get in that much trouble, I still got the same beatings that she did, I just didn't usually set my dad off like she did is all.
Well, one day I guess she had decided that she had had enough of me being the good one, cause she made sure that I couldn't leave the house one day after school. She had all three guys over at the house and had been egging T on that I had supposedly been telling her that I wanted to have sex with him and that he should just do it.
I tried to tell them that it was a lie and to leave the house but they wouldn't let me and locked the doors then shoved me into the bedroom with T and shut the door. I kept telling him that I didn't want to and that he should leave me alone and let me go and he said that he could do whatever he wanted and that no one would believe me if I said any different cause all of them were there and that they would say that I was lying and that I was just a little slut just like my sister and they would believe him and not me so I just needed to shut up and enjoy it.
I kind of go blank for a while after that and what I can remember after that is kind of detached, you know like you're watching it happen to someone else and it can't effect you. Well I remember him taking off my clothes and making me lay down on the bed. Then he touches me on my breasts and bites my nipples and touches me down there to make sure I'm wet even though I'm not he still puts IT in there and rams it in. I can still feel it now. The pain
I try to imagine that I'm somewhere else as he goes about his business and he finishes. I don't know how long it lasts it feels like forever although I'm sure it was only a few minutes.
After that he told me that if I ever said anything that they wouldn't believe me cause after all I was HER little sister and everyone knew how she was so I must just be like her.
The next day it all happened again, they made me stay in the house and T did it again, and this time he set things up so that his friend B could do it to and he could just trade out with him and they could have both me and my sister. They hung blankets around the sides of my bunk bed so that it was like a dark little cave and they could come in there and do me and then go out and do my sister on the other bed. I still remember the sounds of her having sex and it makes me ill. After that I have almost never made any noise during sex, if I have it has almost always been faked, and I still have problems with that.
This all went on for several months and then they all decided that I was ready to have sex with M apparently he was supposed to have a really big dick and was hard to handle. Well this was the only bright spot cause he came into the bed where I was after I had already been done by T and saw me curled up in the corner of the bed and he decided for some reason that he wouldn't do anything I don't know why, but I am thankful for any repreave in that situation.
Well after all this I more or less was the property of T and he decided that he could have me whenever he wanted. I never said anything to anyone, because I figured with the situation with my parents that if noone would stop my dad from beating us what difference did this make to them.
This all went on for a few years and I more or less withdrew from life, what few friends I had I lost because I withdrew from so many activities and things with them. I did my school work and excelled at that only cause I saw it as a way to escape. It worked somewhat.
Well, there's more to this story and I may put that on here later on or not I don't know. But it's late and I need to sleep.
To Sleep Perchance NOT To Dream.
For The Sleep Of The Dead Is The Most Peaceful
Sleep There Is.