I haven't given my e-mail address, because nobody knows. I live in a very small village.
It was January 5th, and I was walking home from a friends house, when suddenly I heard somebody behind me, coming closer and closer. Suddenly this "man" grabbed me, and threw me on the ground. He said that I wasn't to say anything. He threatened me with a knife. I was very frightened!
He told me to take of my trousers, and I don't know why, but I did!! I don't think I was myself. Because who would take of their trousers, but I didn't think......I mean he had a knife!!, and then he raped me! When he was finished he just left, and said that if I ever told anyone, he would come to kill me.
When I came home, I was on my own. i had a shower to become clean, or try to be clean. I was in there for over one hour!! I went strait to bed, and I've never told anyone. It happened when I was 14 years old, and now almost 5 years later, I'm still afraid of going out at night, or go in to town. I've never had a boyfriend...I'm too scared.
Therefore.....If ANYTHING EVER happens to you, talk to somebody, don't do like I did, because my life sucks, and I don't wish the same for anybody else.
Hi my name is Sabrina. I am a college student. I was abused all my life by my mother and father, and when I got away from my parents I thought my life would start to get better, but that was not going to happen.
I had to hide so my father would not find me and hurt me. I did everything I could so my dad would not get me again, but I did not do a good job because in June of 1999 my father found me and raped me. I never felt so alone in my whole life. I felt as if I could not talk to anyone about what had happened, because I am 23 years old and my father hurt me. I thought people would say you are old enough to protect yourself from your father, so I kept my mouth closed.
I wish I would have told someone but I was to afraid and ashamed. In Aug I found out I was pregnant. I thought I was going to die when the doctor told me. I just threw up because I knew that the child inside me was my father's, because I had not been sexually active with anyone else. I just wanted to end my life at that point. I could not believe that this was happening to me.
I did not know what to do but I knew I could not have this child so I went home and called Plan Parenthood and made an appointment to have an abortion. I did not want to have the abortion, but I knew I could not have this baby. I was so scared and so alone. Since the abortion I have been feeling really sad and I wish I would have died during the abortion, because I felt so bad. I am a murderer, how could I have done this to another human being? I hated myself and my body and I thought how could anyone love me now because I did a bad thing, and when I didn't even love myself.
I wish I would have told someone after it happened but now I don't think I ever will, because I feel like it is my fault and if I tell I think my father would hurt me again, and I don't want that to happen. I just wish my life could end because I don't have anything to live for anymore, if I can not hide or feel safe what's the point? I wish that I could be ok but I am afraid and alone, and I don't think I would every feel normal again. How could I when my father won't keep his hands off of me?
Thank you for letting me tell my story.
A guy from my graduate course asked me out for drinks after class one night. We went out and I proceeded to get drunk. We went back to his apartment and I told him that I didn't want to have sex that night. He said no way. He kissed me and things progressed, but he said he didn't want to have sex and I was relieved. I didn't want to have sex and I thought he understood that and respected it.
Well, I wake up that morning to him having sex with me. I didn't see it for what it was, rape. I blamed myself for what happened and, not wanting to have a one night stand, I decide to pursue a "relationship" with this sick individual. After two months of abuse, I finally got out. I met a great guy and we started dating. We are still dealing with trying to get this creep out of our lives, but that is going to take time. Like all survivors, I'm still dealing with a lot of emotions from that experience.