Hi, my name is Angelica Mendoza Galarza but I prefer my nickname Checa. The truth is I really dont know whether this is considered rape or not.
It all started when I was about 6 or 7. My moms cousin was living with us. It was my moms uncle, his wife and kids. They were living with us I guess because they were having financial problems.
Well, while he was living there he would come into my room at night. I never have been able to tell whether he raped me or whether he was just fondling me. Well he would come in at night and I would act as if I were a sleep, he would pull down my panties and fondle me. I do remember that once I remember trying to see what he was doing so I didnt completely open my eyes I just remember him making forward and backward motions. I never felt any pain so thats why its hard to tell whether he raped me or not. After he would be done with what he was doing to me he would leave me there in the darkness. This went on I think until the time that he moved out. I never told my mom, I was a confused child and was never taught about rape. The only person who knew was my little sister. I dont think she remembers all that much well at least not as vivdly as I remember. After he moved out and he would invite us to his house. I never wanted to go, my mom never understood why. He also! had a son and he to would try to touch me im not sure but I think that once he kissed me. I was so glad when they moved out.
It didnt stop there. This time I was about 8 or 9. My mom had remarried to another man after she had divorced my real father well anyways my step-dad had invited his parents to come and stay with us in our house. They did. In the morning my little sister and I would jump into bed with our grandparents in law. My grandfather in law would go under my shirt and feel on my non-developed breasts. Also one time I remember getting hurt and was supposedly going to check me for any kind of wound or scrathch or anything. So he would touch me on my private parts over my clothes that is. We had bunkbeds at the time and my little sister was on top as my grandfather in law inspected me I think she remembers because she was looking down on me but I dont think she understands what im going through. Then they also left back to Mexico. I had been emotionally scarred.
I never knew how to tell my mom so I said to my self that I would steal something from someone, in hopes that they find out, and when my mom asks me whats wrong id tell her... So much for that plan. I ended up stealing a 100 dollar bill from my uncle, he did find out and I confessed to stealing it but when my mom asked me I couldnt tell her. That also went on for a couple of years I tried the same method a couple more times but I could never tell my mom. I always appologized for stealing but my mom never knew why I did it until now. I am now 15 years old turning 16 on April 22, 2001. Today's date is April 17, 2001. The last time I stole I finnally couldnt take it anymore and I had to tell my mother. When I told her she broke out into tears because she never knew. She told me that she couldnt believe that the people she trusted were guilty of this action. I felt much better after I told her even though I cant do anything about now, I still live in shame. I still always feel dirty.
Thank you for listening, I have a sense of relief now. And for all of those who have suffered worse than me.... you have my sympathy.
Love ya all, dont be afraid to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
thank you again,
im: crazycheca on Yahoo!