I was fifteen when it happened to me I was at a party in a friends house. We were all really drunk and high and by the time the night was over I had been raped and stabbed three times.
I wasn't old enough to drive yet and so I just buried myself in a bottle of whiskey and five fully loaded syringes of heroin and passed out in the corner of the house. The guy who raped me told me that if told anyone about what happened that I would be dead before I hit the floor. For the longest time I wished he would have killed me. The god I was raised to believe in had deserted me and walked away or at least that was how I felt at the time.
It was a year to the day before I told my parents what had happened and that was the hardest part about it because I had to admit it to myself. The road of recovery is a long one and I don't think it will ever truly end for me. But it has been nearly eight years now and even though it was violent and terrifying it did make me stop doing drugs and drinking.
The guy who raped me got away because I choose not to press charges. That was a decision that I had to make. But the other day while reading the local paper I came across an article and a picture of a man taken into custody on a murder confession. It was him. He is now in prison awaiting trail for that crime and I have no doubt that he will get what he deserves.
Oh and after a while I realized that God had not forsaken me the fact that I'm alive today proves to me that he was there all along. Hold your heads high and Take care of yourselves its not easy but give it time and remember that it can be over come if you want to....LOVE, a victim turned survivor!
Wow....this happened so long ago but I think about it every day.....sometimes I go through bouts of depression triggered by the mention of this guy's name... (he was a popular classmate), or if I see someone that resembles him, or if I get rejected in any form or fashion..... I am getting stronger and can say the word "rape" now and tell others that I am a survivor...
Anyway this happened at the end of my freshman year in high school... I went over to my girlfriend's house to sit on her stoop....a bunch of neighborhood kids were out that day, hanging out....."D" came out and sat next to me on the stoop.....we spoke... I always thought that this guy was so cute... he was the shy, quiet type and he had the girls FIGHTING over him left and right...so he was off-limits to me anyway....plus he had a girlfriend....
Anyway....we were all just hanging on the stoop and then he went down the street to his house to bring out his dirt bike... He came back down to where my girlfriend and I were sitting and then I asked him for a ride...He told me to get on and I did.... Once we left the area we drove towards a park and I mentioned to him that I liked him and thought that he was cute....Which by the way is NORMAL conversation for a teenage girl.....and then he asked me if I wanted to "cut" through the park. To this I agreed...
Then he asked if I wanted to drive the dirt bike...he would show me... I agreed... I could not balance the bike so he then drove again.... Then we went deeper into the park....It had JUST gotten dark and then he pulled over.... Just THAT quick he turned into an octopus and was all over me....I pushed him away and he kept coming at me.... Then this is where it turned into the twilight zone....This GROWN man was riding his bike through the park...SAW what was happening between the two of us....then OFFERED to help! To hold me down... Then "D" ran him off... I started to hyperventilate and begged him to take me home... I was horrified and afraid to try to run off since this other man was OUT there somewhere.... "D" did not listen to me....kept begging me to just kiss him back and to let him "break" me in... I fought this kid back, he then threw me down and raped me....and took my virginity....He then apologized profusely....and blamed it on the alcohol.....then took me home.....
It took me years to admit what happened...to get over the guilt of accepting the ride...the shame of the rape..... I never reported him.....we stopped speaking to each other at school and in the neighborhood.... Well....I thought that it would never happen...but I am finding peace and learning to love myself in spite of this incident....
Click here to read Lisa's Story, a work in progress.
Hey, Iím kinda unsure with sharing my story, its kinda recent, what happened to me. I guess Iíll start form the beginning.
About a year ago my family went on vacation. I was 14 yrs old. We had rented a condo and pretty much did our own thing for the week or so that we were down there. Anyway, the condo was located right near a beach, so thatís where I spent most of my time. One afternoon a guy approached me, it was my 24yr old cousin. "Coincidentally" he was visiting the same area. Let me tell you, my cousin is a total nut job. He has been arrested for sexual harassment before, one girl has a restraining order on him. But still heís my cousin and I trusted him. He said that he wanted to take me out to a movie. I agreed, and he told me that heíd pick me up around 11 that night.
I knew that my parents would be against me going anywhere with him, so that night I snuck out of the house. He picked me up in an old van, and then drove me to a drive-in movie theater. We got there and started to enjoy the movie. I began to realize that something wasnít right when he started making inappropriate comments on how I was dressed, and the way I looked. Then he asked me to get into the back of the van. I said no but he wasnít about to take that as an answer. He dragged me into the back and had sex with me. At first I struggled and screamed, but he threatened me and my family so I quickly hushed up. I lay there crying while he forced himself upon me. I waited in hope that someone would have heard my screams and come rescue me like in the movies, but unfortunately for me no one came.
When he was done, he calmly dressed himself and got back into the drivers seat, leaving me naked, scared and crying in the back. He started driving again. He started to say how it was my own fault, that I had provoked him, and that no one would even believe me anyway, and even if they did they would think I was a slut. Then he dropped me off down the block from my condo. I was still in tears and I was in horrible pain, both emotionally and physically, I couldnít bare to go home yet. I was so scared and ashamed. I walked down to the beach that was near us and sat and cried for hours until the sun came up. Then I returned to the condo and crept into bed.
When my mother came to wake me up I faked sick and stayed in bed the whole day. I continued this until we returned home a few days later. We had only been home a few days when the doorbell rang and he showed up at our door. I was home alone at the time. He said he felt bad for how he had previously treated me, and wanted to make sure I was ok. He brought me down to a private Dr. to get tested to see if I was pregnant or if I had gotten a disease from him. Heís HIV positive. Lucky for me I was neither pregnant or sick.
Well the months went by, I hadnít seen nor heard from him. I had kept our secret, and it was starting to eat me up. I didnít show it much though. The only time my friends and family had suspected anything was wrong was when they saw the bruises that covered my body. After that the subject was never brought up.
Now its a year later, I have only told two people, my counselor and my best friend. I still donít talk much about it, and it makes me feel uncomfortable whenever the subject comes up. But I think that it was a good step for me to tell someone what happened. It was a great relief for me to finally be able to talk to someone about it.
Anneinstant messenger: whrose10